The Cost of Living Well

Stop having kids, you ghetto slut:

For example, in Manhattan, after paying “millionaire’s tax” on everything from apartment purchases to income tax “surcharges”, $150,000 per year for school (if you have four kids and want them to have a primary school education close to what you get for free in a decent suburb), send them for a few weeks of day camp in the summer for around $30,000–unless you want them to play video games all day, pay a mortgage on an apartment barely large enough to house the family (no one with a bedroom of their own) $100,000 year, pay $800/ month to park your car (no, not a luxury car), make some meaningful charitable contributions, etc. there is little left.

I mean, really. Just keep your legs closed, amirite, folks? FOUR kids? There’s eleventy-billion forms of birth control out there, fella. No glove, no love. Wait, you wanted a big family? Well, guess what. You should only have kids if you can afford them, and it sounds like you can’t afford them. Family is a luxury, you know. Everyone who doesn’t make a squillion dollars should be alone.

You want more money? Sell some bling. Get a job. Get another job, it’s the American way. You lazy fuck. Learn to clip coupons like our parents did back in the day! Maybe you should be getting your food at a cheaper store. Maybe quit buying those T-bone steaks, buddy. You don’t have a luxury car? Well, get a USED car, and like it!

You would get a better education for free in a suburb? Move to one, then. Where you want to live makes no difference at all if you can’t afford it, so you just fix yourself right up there. It’s easy, after all. Anybody can buy or sell a house these days. Go for it.

You want a better life? Make better choices.

A.

10 thoughts on “The Cost of Living Well

  1. whet moser says:

    a few weeks of day camp in the summer for around $30,000
    Someone should tell Mr. Moneybags that there are cheaper day camps.* It made me think that people who live in smaller cities without so many rich assholes could charge, say, $1,000 to put up a kid (in addition to the cost of day camp). Then they could “not play video games” and experience the life of the American middle class.
    *Hell, there are cheaper colleges.

  2. Hecate says:

    I love you.

  3. Jay in Oregon says:

    +1 Hecate.

  4. LC says:

    +1 Hecate

  5. M31 says:

    A, you are brilliant.

  6. montag says:

    And, as Atrios said in passing this little tidbit along, the median income in NYC is… $70K/yr, less than half of that private school annual bill.
    And, if you’re a wage slave at the bottom of the food chain, you’re making $16-20K/yr.
    This “life is so hard for people making a million dollars” routine is getting very, very old.

  7. Jay in Oregon says:

    This “life is so hard for people making a million dollars” routine is getting very, very old.
    Any time they want to let me have a crack at it, I’m willing to suffer the humiliation and indignity of having so much.

  8. PurpleGirl says:

    Jay in Oregon: Hear! Hear! I’m with you all the way.
    Athenae: So right you are.

  9. Catherine D. says:

    if you have four kids and want them to have a primary school education close to what you get for free in a decent suburb
    Free? People like me have the property tax bills to prove public education ain’t free. And I make a metric shitload less than this self-pitying dork.

  10. Jay in Oregon says:

    PurpleGirl:
    I don’t even have to take the whole million or so a year. Let me make, say, double what I’m making now.
    I’m banging away on Turbotax, so I know that my taxable income, after deductions, is about $47,000. My federal tax is about $6,300 before withholding and credits and stuff.
    If my taxable income were to double to 94,000 (and yes I know that doubling my gross will probably more than double my taxable income but I want to keep the math easy so lemme finish), my tax jumps to 18,274.
    Even though my income tax has almost tripled, I’d still be up 35,000a year. I can think of lots of ways to use another $3000/month. Can you?
    That is the part these fuckheads don’t get. $200 might be a nice night out on the town for them, but it can mean so much more to a family of four who are living paycheck to paycheck.
    (They could have taken the TARP bailout amount of $700 billion and given every man, woman, and child about $2300 to spend. For a family of four, that’s $9,000! Sure, the bankers would probably have ended up with most of it anyway, since most people would pay off credit cards or medical bills or late mortgage payments, but a hell of a lot of it would have made its way through the economy first.)

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