Malaka Of The Week: Lu Ann Ballew

I’d never heard of Tennessee Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew until yesterday. Then she committed an act that was both malakatudinous and unconstitutional, which is a tricky feat to accomplish. That’s why Ms. Ballew is malaka of the week.

What manner of malakakatude caused me to notice her?

A judge in Tennessee ordered that a 7-month-old baby’s name be changed from “Messiah,” prompting the mother to challenge the ruling.

Jaleesa Martin and the father of the baby were attending a child support hearing Thursday in Cocke County, Tenn. to settle a dispute over Messiah’s last name. It was there that Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew took the liberty to hand down a ruling on the boy’s first name, too.

“The word Messiah is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ,” Judge Ballew said, according to t.v. station WBIR. Ballew said the child could go by “Martin DeShawn McCullough,” which includes both the mother and father’s names.

The judge said that growing up with the name “Messiah” in an area with a large Christian population “could put him at odds with a lot of people and at this point he has had no choice in what his name is.”

Who knew that a judge could impose a name on parents thereby infringing their right to be stupid?The ACLU and I both think that Lu Ann Ballew it in this ruling.

Do I think Messiah is a good name for a kid? Hell no, it’s preposterous, but as the resident of a city where there are many strange names floating around-from Trellis to Formica Dinette-I think that people have the right to give their children ridiculous names. I suspect that Ms.Ballew is *against* guvmint intrustions in other areas, so she should back off on this one.

I realize that bible belt conservatives do not get the concept of the separation of church and state, but rarely are they as open in their malakatude as this. The wall between church and state is designed to *protect* religion from Kings who decide they want a divorce from a queen who hasn’t given them a male heir. That’s right, folks, Henry VIII is the godfather of the separation of church and state. (Btw, who’s your favorite screen/teevee Henry? I’m torn between handsome but historically inaccurate Jonathan Rhys Meyersand Ray Winstone who has the girth but is way too working class, mate.)

I must admit to being astonished that Messiah is actually a popular name for male babies, but if someone wants their kid to develop a messiah complex or get pansted because of their name, that’s their right. Our culture has customarily disfavored the use of Messiah-like names for our kids. I recall being amazed that Hay-soos Alou’s (the lesser of 3 brothers who came up with the San Francisco Giants in the 1960s) name was actually Jesus. In fact, some announcers called him Jay because they could. At least they didn’t call him Chico…

Finally, the other reason I picked Lu Ann Ballew as this week’s dishonoree is that I get to make a double obscure pop culture reference/riff on her name. She made me think of Luanne on King of the Hillwho would have been quite capable of naming a progeny Messiah, and cult rock icon Adrian Belewwho probably wouldn’t do so such a thing but ya never know. All I know for sure is that the Judge Ballew it in this case, which is why she’s malaka of the week.

I’ll let Adrian and his daughter have the last word:

7 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Lu Ann Ballew

  1. If we can have Madonna, we can have Messiah. And I propose changing this judge’s first name to Moron.

  2. we had a kid at my school (the one at which i teach, that is) named Martell Hennessy.

  3. A lot of dumb going on since Adam quit being stupid as demanded (Gen 2:17 “…knowledge… eat of it and… die.” Pg.1 of the N.Testament helps prove it because we’ve never read the 1st 25 lines that say Jesus had a virgin Mother & also had a Dad. It’s not possible to be born of a virgin & also claim your father’s bloodline even if for 42 generations & even if you perform miracles. BUT we’ve never bothered to read the 1st chapter. AND just what is the Holy Father’s name? It’s not Yahweh or Jehovah, Elohim, ’cause Jesus never said “Yahweh… & Yahweh never said he would send a “Messiah”; maybe he forgot to mention it. Jesus never gave ‘the Father in heaven’ a name unless it’s “Whoart” (“Our father whoart in heaven, hallowed be thy name…”) but I rather doubt it, though it’s as close as a name that has been given him in 2,000 years. So we should give the magistrate a pat on her stupid head because she’s measuring up quite well for the rest of us.

  4. She sure doesn’t know her bible. The original bible is in Hebrew. The name Moses is Moshiah in Hebrew, so the first Messiah was Moses. The second was that Joshua guy.

  5. A girl I went to high school with named her child “Telly Savalas” and called him “Kojak.” I used to think that maybe I didn’t remember it correctly when I saw in my hometown newspaper that little Kojak graduated from high school several years ago.

  6. Messiah is a Hebrew word for an anointed one. Pretty much every king from the Old Testament would fit this title. The Greek translation is Christ, therefore the precedent set forth by this judge would make the names : Cristopher, Christina, Christian, Christy, Chris, and so on, improper. A small amount of knowledge would help the Christian community not seem so foolish.

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