Malaka Of The Week: Michael Grimm

Life continues to imitate the Sopranos with this week’s “honoree.” Congressman Michael (Mikey Suits) Grimm (R-Roid Rage/Staten Island) may be be low hanging fruit but I am not one to look a gift horse in the proverbial mouth. Jeez, two cliches in the same sentence, I must be slipping. No make that slipped.

You’ve all heard about the Christopher Moltisanti of Congress threatening a slight reporter from NY1 but let’s relive the glorious highlights as reported by the Noo Yawk Daily Nooze:

The confrontation occurred on Capitol Hill when reporter Michael Scotto followed up questions about the President’s speech by pressing the congressman on a federal investigation into his fund-raising.

“Congressman Michael Grimm does not want to talk about some of the allegations concerning his campaign finances … but as you saw he refused to talk about that,” Scotto said as Grimm began to walk away.

Hearing Scotto’s comment, Grimm turned and walked toward the NY1 reporter. “Let me be clear to you, you ever do that to me again I’ll throw you off this fucking balcony,” Grimm said, according to the cable news channel.

Why, why, I just wanted to ask you?” Scotto responded.

“If you ever do that to me again,” the Staten Island congressman shot back.

When Scotto replied, “why, why it’s a valid question,” Grimm said: “No, no, you’re not man enough, you’re not man enough. I’ll break you in half. Like a boy,” according to the NY1 transcript.

After posturing a bit more, Grimm grimly apologized to the reporter. He may not, however, get off Scotto free. He was already being investigated for some campaign finance fiddling and is even reputed to be tied to the venerable Gambino crime family. I hope that he didn’t take out a loan from a shylock to win his race in 2010, the vig would be staggering by now. Actually, Grimm sounds more like a loan shark than a borrower. They’re fond of breaking arms and legs…

It’s time to pose the age old question: where the hell do they find these people? Grimm is not only a thug (I’ll leave the Richard Sherman comparison to Joan Walsh since she did it so well) he’s an idiot. Dude, you were just on teevee and the cameras were still rolling. Making empty and moronic threats will only get you in even more trouble than you’re already in.

Michael F has already compared this episode to the Sonny-Carlo beatdown scene in The Godfather and he’s on the money. It also makes Mikey Suits like the Godfather obsessed wise guys in a certain show set in Jersey, which is, of course, my very own personal obsession. I’m still not sure what outrage this is most like. Since I’ve declared Grimm the Christopher Moltisanti of Congress, I’m leaning towards the time he mugged Betty Bacall for her swag bag, or when he shot the kid in the foot at the bakery for making him wait too long for pastries. It’s a pick ’em, y’all.

The good news is that guns are banned from Capitol Hill so this amped up malaka couldn’t pull a rod on Scotto. Thus far, the Second Amendment wackadoodles haven’t gotten around to arming Congressmen but it wouldn’t surprise me if they proposed open carry for our elected officials. Nothing they do ever surprises me.

I hope that Grimm’s constituents will punish him for this outburst by voting him out if the Feds don’t have enough evidence to take him for a perp walk. Tony Soprano eventually got tired of Christopher’s antics and solved the problem wise guy style. In this case, voting this boy breaking, balcony throwing malaka out of office will suffice as punishment. Of course, if Paulie Walnuts wants to drive his Caddy around Grimm’s property and destroy his shrubbery that would be fine with me. That was to avenge Christopher throwing Little Paulie out the window, which perfects the Sopranos-Grimm analogy. And that is why Michael Grimm is malaka of the week.

6 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Michael Grimm

  1. Dude’s an idiot. I couldn’t care less what his constituents think (he’s a Republican, they probably think this chest-beating was a feature, not a bug). Threatening somebody’s life, on camera, on mic, what an idiot. Lock him up for his financial misdeeds and add a couple of years to the sentence for threats and blackmail.

  2. It’s Scotto that has the inks to the Gambino Family, his Uncle having been a Capo.
    Grimm is pushing around the wrong guy. By all accounts a nice guy but someone who knows people who know people who are not nice at all and owe his family (Family) big time.

  3. WHY, WHY, WHY isn’t the reporter filing a criminal complaint against this guy?

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