Creeps Know It

There have been quite a few of these things in the wake of the Santa Barbara shootings: 

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

And they get on my nerves not because any of the advice is bad, but because they address seriously what is in all honesty just another creepy asshole's excuse: Oh, I didn't KNOW I was being a stalkative weirdo! If one of you bitches would just TELL ME when I was being horrible, I would immediately cease, and begin to interact with you in an adult way. Take PITY on me in my unknowingness of your foreign, mysterious kind! 

Fuck that. There are dudes who genuinely don't know how to deal with dating and such, and I'm not talking about them here. By and large, they are curious and courteous, and will be just fine reading these lists of advice and realizing they aren't dickheads at all.

The guys who REALLY need to hear this? The ones who are so quick to profess their ignorance of Woman and her oh-so-indecipherable signs and portents? They're not listening, because they're not really ignorant. Saying they didn't know is just one more way to get the fuck out of being called on their behavior. 

Think about this. The guy who stands too close when you refuse to look back at him? The guy who follows you down the path when you're walking your dog, staring suggestively? The guy who calls a hundred times because you haven't answered 99 of his messages? That guy knows exactly what he's doing. That guy DOESN'T CARE. 

And saying "oh, I just didn't realize" is the same as saying "oh, I was just kidding" or "oh, I never thought you'd take offense to a compliment." It's one more defensive way to get out of being held responsible for freaking somebody out. Stop buying into it. Stop granting that guy more of your attention by educating him. 

Chances are, while you're explaining the world to him, he's staring down your blouse anyway. 


2 thoughts on “Creeps Know It

  1. Admittedly, I’m shocked that there wasn’t a stronger news push that roughly an hour after the Isla Vista shootings, stabbing, and vehicular event, there was an apparently un-related lethal shooting in Stockton with the rationale being that the lady refused the shooter’s advances. (BTW – I refuse to say Santa Barbara as it happened in the town next to UCSB and I’ve already had too many discussions with 2nd amendment folks under the false impression it was on UCSB campus and thus a gun-free zone).
    I also complement the link in having many good examples (my favorite is you are in a dark alley, not a good place to ask a stranger to go out with you – not the words on the link, but you get the idea). Although in my own defense, I find reading body language confusing and far from an exact science. But if the other person gives a non-committal statement and looks back down at their book, even I get the idea they aren’t interested in pursuing the conversation.

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