Run, Willard, Run

WMR 2016

Greetings earthlings, take me to your leader? There is actually a Draft Willard Mittbot Romney petitiony, websitey thingy and it has 51K signatories as of this writing. The guy who's morning show I never watch, Joe Scarborough, thinks the GOP could do worse; they will, they will. And wingnut Congressman Jason Chaffetz (LDS-Utah) not only thinks Mittbot will attempt for a third time to become the first robot President but that he will win. It is unclear if Chaffetz had a revelation from Joseph Smith or accidentally drank coffee and hallucinated this "testimony."

I must admit to having liked the Draft Willard Mittbot Romney facebook page and am sorely tempted to sign the petition. Why? Because it's good for the satire biz. There has rarely been a stiffer, more awkwardly unintentionally funny candidate in my lifetime. Mitt could become the Adlai Stevenson of the 21st Century: a noble two-time loser who kept his party from nominating a nutjob. Hey, wait a minute: Adlai had strong support even if he lost. His second try was a kamikaze run against the very popular General/President Eisenhower who strangers all liked as opposed to Mittbot who is just strange. Bad analogy: I always felt badly for Adlai…

I am not the only liberal blogger pulling for a Romney 2016 redemption tour, the estimable TBogg is ready to mock Willard too:

In a move that can be seen as either desperation or ‘we’re all gonna die anyway, so what the hell?’ conservatives are casting their eyes westward to a man — a stoic man, an honest and true man of values, standing knee deep  in the Pacific Ocean watching the sun go down on America — as their savior in 2016.

That man is a man called Mitt. Family man, businessman, gentle and attentive lover, and owner of both a car elevator and a losing career in elections.

Surveying the 2016 GOP field and falling into a pit of existential dread and despair where there is no light, no hope, no exit, nothing but a  bleak meaningless abyss of wretchedness and desolation, Republicans see hope in the sparkle of Mitt Romney’s eyes and the Earth-mother joy in life his wife Ann brings to the party.

I, for one, wept when I read this deeply emotional passage replete with reminders of Rafalaca and wild eyed Romney chirren. It is time for the Mittbot to have another revelation, override his family's inevitable objections, and attempt once again to become America's national priesthood holder. Do it for the satirists, sir…

Finally, the documentary that attempted to prove that he's not a robot, Mitt, is available for free on the YouTube. It cannot be embedded but it's worth a click. The attempt to humanize Willard is somewhat successful, he's just as awkward with his family as he is onstage. Ann Romney, however, comes off as the Cruella Deville of the prairie and most of her sons as entitled dicks in the classic LDS little God fashion. It also largely takes place in hotel suites, corridors and elevators, which makes it oddly claustrophobic. I began to wonder if Morley Safer was involved in the production but apparently he was not…

Run, Willard, run.

5 thoughts on “Run, Willard, Run

  1. The New Mitt…tanned, rested and ready. He’s got an awkward dog story, and can even claim at least partial residence in Southern California.

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