Malaka Of The Week: Blake Farenthold

The voters have elected bros to Congress before and they will do so again in the future. We’ve even had a bro for President. I think you know who I’m talking about. The voters of the 27th district of Texas have topped everyone by electing the bro-est bro to ever walk the halls of Congress: Blake Farenthold. One might even call him a dudebro, and that is why he is malaka of the week.

It’s been a tough week for Malaka Dudebro. We learned that in his days as a tech bro, he owned a rather colorful domain name: Did I say during his time as a tech bro? He’s owned it continuously since 1996 according to a piece by Andrew Kaczynski of Buzzfeed. A spokesbro for Malaka Dudebro had this to say about that:

“Prior to serving in Congress, Mr. Farenthold operated a computer consulting company that routinely bought domain names including the one in question. The domain name has never been used and Mr. Farenthold has no intention to renew it.”

That’s very responsible. Of course, Congressman Dudebro was first elected in 2010. He’s obviously  too busy to deal with ephemera such as Blow-Me.Org as you can see from the picture below:


Farenthold is the bro on the right in the duck jammies. The mere sight of him makes me want to duck and cover. The pajama party pictures were published in October, 2010, which means that he was elected in a broslide. Actually, it was very close but I suspect that the bros of his district saw that picture and decided to elect one of their own even if he has an eerie resemblance to dorky cherub Thurman Merman of Bad Santa fame:


Congressman Dudebro may *look* like the advent calendar loving, sandwich obsessed Thurman Merman, but he’s pure Willie T. Stokes underneath that bro-fro:

Bad Santa Lick

Now that I’ve riffed on duck pajamas,, and Bad Santa, it’s time to discuss Malaka Dudebro’s *real* problem. He’s being sued by a former staffer for sexual harrassment and general swinish and sexist conduct. Since this is a family blog (cue spit take) I’ll post an epic quote from a story by TPM’s Daniel Strauss after the break.

A former staffer with Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-TX) is suing the congressman’s office over an alleged hostile work environment and sexual harassment, including that the congressman communicated he was having “wet dreams” about the staffer and insinuated that she had semen on her skirt.

The allegations come from Lauren Greene, a former communications staffer for Farenthold who started in his office as New Media Director and eventually served in the role of communications director, according to the National Law Journal on Tuesday evening, which broke the news.

Greene alleges that Farenthold, a congressman who made headlines earlier this week for being listed as the registrant for the URL in 1999 —only recently releasing it, made a number of attempts to gauge whether she was interested in having sex with him. The complaint filed by Greene alleges that Farenthold told Greene that he was estranged from his wife and had not had sex with her in years. It also said that he suggested that something on her skirt looked like semen.

“On one specific occasion, Farenthold told Greene that she had something on her skirt and that he hoped his comment wouldn’t be taken for sexual harassment,” the complaint said. “A reasonable person would infer that Farenthold was joking that she had semen on her skirt.”

The suit also alleges that staffers felt Farenthold flirted too much and when they joined him on Capitol Hill functions they joked that they were on “red head patrol” to make sure Farenthold didn’t do anything untoward. Farenthold also once said during a staff meeting that a female lobbyist propositioned him to have a “threesome” once.

Most of the attention in the lawsuit has fallen on another staffer relaying allegedly relaying comments from Farenthold to Greene where he said that he had “wet dreams” and sexual fantasies about her. Farenthold, according to the lawsuit, knew those comments would reach Greene.

Farenthold’s “wet dream” remark takes us into the realm of literal malakatude and is, quite frankly, gross. I’m surprised that he didn’t suggest that Ms. Greene do a video for Girls Gone Wild or some such shit. It’s so disgusting that I’ll even pass on making any Monica Lewinsky dress jokes.

Prior to Ms. Greene’s law suit, Farenthold was your common garden variety teabagger. He’s dabbled in birtherism, speculated about impeachment, and voted against the interests of the people in his district. Now he’s become an embarassment to his caucus and a full blown bro-saster. Of course, the country is full of bros like Farenthold; oafish toads who mistakenly think they’re irresistible to women.  I guess he took Henry Kissinger’s aphorism  “power is the ultimate aphrodisiac” too literally and that is why Blake Farenthold is malaka of the week.

4 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Blake Farenthold

  1. Based on the duck jammie photo, I’m pretty sure that no one, ever, would say “Yes” to the question of whether they wanted to have sex with him. Dude.

  2. “Now he’s become an embarassment to his caucus and a full blown bro-saster..” and will probably be re-elected for years to come.

  3. If ol’ Sissy Farenthold (his auntie) wasn’t repeatedly face-palming last week, she certainly is now. That’ll teach her to endorse Republicans, relatives or not.

Comments are closed.