Roger Simon Has a Sad

Guys, the Republican party is terrible right now and it’s because these fucking hicks don’t know their place: 

Sarah Palin, who has been teasing the press with hints she might actually run for president, appeared to end much hope of that Saturday by delivering a 33-minute speech of such incoherence that even veteran Palin-watchers were puzzled.

Some sample lines from Palin:

“Screw the left and Hollywood!”

“Coronation, rinse, repeat.”

Obama “is so over it. America, he’s just not that into you.”

“The man can only ride you when your back is bent.”

I would provide some context, but there wasn’t any.

If only someone had pointed out that Sarah Palin was an unserious person before now, ROGER. You wouldn’t have to be so depressed. If only someone in a position of power in the political press had noticed that she believed in nothing more than bettering herself, ROGER. We could have avoided this kind of tragedy, ROGER.

This entire lament, which comes around every GOP primary season, is just so tiresome: I can’t believe the party is so crazy! I can’t believe people take these losers seriously! I can’t believe people give them airtime! I in no way contribute to any of these things!

It’s like: Years ago, the GOP kept the crazy people where they belonged. They were chained up in the basement while the cocktail party was going on, and sure, from time to time one would get loose and maul the neighbor’s Bichon, but you had plausible deniability. You could play loud music to cover the snarling, and tell anyone who asked about the half-a-dog on the lawn that the coyotes were just vicious this summer.

You could get rich off those slavering, racist, idiot fucks, looting their pockets before you shoved them into their cages. You could depend on them, over and over and over again, to vote for you and vote for you and never ever slip their chains, and when they finally died you could sell their teeth for a nickel a pop. You could prop your entire political movement on top of their enclosures and the best part was, the political press would believe you when you said the stench wasn’t yours.

Now, though? A couple of them chewed through the restraints and came up and destroyed the buffet table. One of them leg-humped the mayor’s wife and she’s talking about suing for damages. Worse yet, they actually think they’re PEOPLE, these feral things you’ve kept below the floorboards all these years. They think they have a right to TALK.

So now you come around all I HAVE NO IDEA FROM WHENCE THESE MONSTERS and come on, you’ve been cashing their checks for years. Without Sarah Palin and Donald Trump news Politico could win neither morning nor afternoon nor fucking gloaming, and without the GOP clown car there would be no GOP.



4 thoughts on “Roger Simon Has a Sad

  1. Next thing you know, Roger will be shocked to find out that there is gambling going on a the Trump Casino!

    It’s like watching your friend, who has been going out for years with someone that everyone in your circle agrees is a nitwit, suddenly come to the realization that they’ve been going out with a nitwit. Except Roger Simon and the rest of his conservative pundit cohort aren’t my friends. Pardon me while I proceed to laugh my ass off at their epiphany.

  2. Well, and if he didn’t want a MEDAL for figuring out she’s a nitwit, I wouldn’t be so mad at him. But he spent years telling us how awesome she was, so I don’t think he deserves a parade right now.


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