BREAKING NEWS MUST CREDIT POLITICO OR LOSE THE MORNING: Obama Chewed Some Gum, Guys

Oh, fuck’s sakes: 

This wasn’t the first time Obama has received criticism for chewing gum at public events.

The president, who has been known to use nicotine chewing gum, chewed gum during a trip to China in November, at a ceremony in France for the 70th anniversary of D-Day and during his inauguration in 2013.

I want the president to have whatever he needs to have to be happy. ESPECIALLY on an overseas trip. If he needs chewing gum to stay awake during a parade, then he should have chewing gum. If he needs a smoke now and then to keep from ripping off the head of the next person who asks him why he couldn’t use the bully pulpit to hit Republicans with, then he should have a smoke. If he needs an intern blowing him in the coatroom to keep him from fucking nuking Putin’s summer cottage, then he should have HR line up exactly that kind of intern and have him or her sign a contract releasing the Commander in Chief from the consequences of extramaritally getting his rocks off with a college student.

I do not want a nic-fit-ing, sexually frustrated, highway-hypnotized president driving the national bus, okay? We need him on his goddamn game when he’s out there for us, so sober him up or get him drunk and I don’t really care which it is so long as he doesn’t piss off the other heads of state. He has a job to do and we should help him do it by leaving him the fuck alone about what he likes to chew.

A.

One thought on “BREAKING NEWS MUST CREDIT POLITICO OR LOSE THE MORNING: Obama Chewed Some Gum, Guys

  1. ChariD says:

    Three more gum chewing stories linked in the excerpt. Exceptionally sharp investigative journalism skills with regard to mastication over there at Politico.

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