Call Any Vegetable

I’m not sure whether Pat Robertson is descending into senility or if he’s becoming an absurdist comedian. In either case, bless his heart:

 Televangelist Pat Robertson said on Monday that marijuana users and drinkers are “enslaved to vegetables.”

Speaking on his Christian Broadcasting Network television show “The 700 Club,” Robertson said that addiction is contrary to God’s will, because man has dominion over “all the vegetables.”

Robertson continued: “Cocaine is the product of a vegetable, alcohol is the product of a vegetable, marijuana is a vegetable. And yet, people are enslaved to vegetables.”

“Why would you become a slave to a vegetable?” Robertson said. “Why? Why would you do it?”

Beats the hell outta me, Pat. I have no desire to be squashed by a zucchini or in butternut squash bondage. He’s starting to sound like Tom Stoppard’s take on Tristan Tzara in the great play Travesties: his art belongs to Dada. In Pat’s case, to the great dada in the sky, you know Jesus’ dada.

Pat’s latest trip to the weird side gave me this post title and a meaty, beaty, big and bouncy earworm. (Sorry for the Who reference, I couldn’t help myself.) It also reminds me of a vegetable related Captain Beefheart story. Humor me, please. I saw Beefheart and the Magic Band open for Zappa right after the latter had a semi-hit album with Apostrophe. It wasn’t the usual Zappa crowd, it was sprinkled with people who thought Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow was the cat’s ass. Beefheart finally got pissed off by the talkative yahoos in the audience and said, “Playing to you people is like trying to turn pickles back into cucumbers”

That’s my vegetable story, y’all. Call any vegetable, call it by name. Ladies and germs give it up for Frank Zappa and the Mothers:

5 thoughts on “Call Any Vegetable

  1. I, for one, welcome our new vegetable overlords.

    Many are delicious with bacon.

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