Decapitate Her Head Off?

Daft, but not daffy, Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson is back in the news. This time around we hear about his sick, twisted fantasies about a different OTHER, atheists:

“I’ll make a bet with you,” Robertson said. “Two guys break into an atheist’s home. He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him. And then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot them and they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him. And then they can look at him and say, ‘Isn’t it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with this? There’s no right or wrong, now is it dude?’”

Robertson kept going: “Then you take a sharp knife and take his manhood and hold it in front of him and say, ‘Wouldn’t it be something if this [sic] was something wrong with this? But you’re the one who says there is no God, there’s no right, there’s no wrong, so we’re just having fun. We’re sick in the head, have a nice day.’”

“If it happened to them,” Robertson continued, “they probably would say, ‘something about this just ain’t right.”

This sounds more like revenge porn or a snuff film script than something you’d expect from a bible thumper who believes in “traditional values.” I take that back, a snuff film might make more sense than this crapola. In my equally sick way, I visualize Robertson watching the sort of porn that got St Bernard Parish President Dave Peralta in trouble. Perhaps Robertson should stop making reality teevee and produce sinful Southern porn for his fellow peckerwoods. They could all get together for a forgiveness fest in Monroe. Hey, it worked for Phil’s fellow Louisianian Jimmy Swaggart:

However, Jimmy is capable of coherent thought whereas Robertson speaks English as if it were his second language. Decapitate her head off? My friend Kevin described that as the “worst kind of decapitation” and he ought to know as the editor of the Gambit Tabloid. I’m still working on that whole tabloid blogger thing…

It continues to amaze me that this bozo and his family were honored by the Gret Stet of Louisiana in the person of our alleged Governor PBJ. (My friend Lamar White has learned that Lt. Gov Jay Dardenne has been acting Govenor 43% of the time thus far in 2015. End of epic parenthetical aside.) Even more astonishing was CPAC’s giving Robertson some fakakta free speech award for what amounts to hate speech. In the immortal words of Raymond Douglas Davies, “The world’s going crazy and nobody gives a damn anymore.”

Perhaps the worst thing of all is that Phil Robertson receives tax subsidies from Louisiana taxpayers for his terrible teevee show. Maybe I should grow a long scraggly beard, wear camos and produce a reality show featuring my crazy relatives and zany friends. Nah, who would watch it? Of course, I ask myself the same question about Duck Dynasty.

Circling back to decapitation. Dr A’s late, great torti Window was initially terrified of ceiling fans. When one came on, she’d get as low to the floor as possible to protect her wee head. We used to joke about her decapitation fantasies, but she eventually got over her fan fear. A good thing in this climate. I wonder if Phil Robertson will ever get over his lurid fantasies or will he continue to say stupid shit like “decapitate her head off?” I think our cat had more sense than Phil Robertson. She at least knew how to duck, cover, and keep her mouth shut.

11 thoughts on “Decapitate Her Head Off?

  1. I know a few atheist district attorneys who would vehemently disagree that the perpetrators wouldn’t “have to worry about being judged.”

  2. Sometimes, being a clergy spouse gives me a little insight. There’s a nasty little Christianist book circulating around conservative church circles called The Shack. It’s essentially torture & snuff porn for the religious. And by the end, the Left Behind series was as equally brutal in the name of conversion. Rev. Phil’s prescription to the Dominionist set is more or less (eek . .) normal.

    1. This seems to be, as well, a substantial part of the evangelicals’ devotion to dispensationalism and the Rapture. One of the prime attractions of it is that God is believed to seat the devout in Heaven in such a way that they can watch him slaughter their enemies (no matter how debased and puerile the definition of enemy may be), which effectively turns high school-level bigotry and revenge into a spectator sport.

      Certainly, the bloodthirsty tone and the delight in the atheist being punished for his imagined crimes against Jesus is strongly reminiscent of the message in the Scofield Bible. And, as you say, the desire to punish and obliterate the secular is a prime directive of the Dominionists.

      Needless to say, I’m longing for the day when the news media wise up and stop breathlessly repeating everything that crackpots like Robertson spew, because the attention only reinforces their legitimacy as public figures. We need a break from the nutball, and the nutball deserves obscurity.

  3. Said DAs might even be able to tack on a hate-crime enhancer if the victims were targeted due to their beliefs. Or because the victims are apparently “little” people.

  4. The stupidity is sickening. Atheists don’t believe in a GOD. Right and wrong are not the sole property of religion or ANY God. Some people are capable of recognizing decency ,right and wrong, compassion, and respect WITHOUT having to be threatened with and ANGRY GOD, or going to hell, or some other form of punishment. They just understand the benefit, and choose to be humane to others and dispense with having to prove anything by joining a cult that is sometimes much more dangerous than the concepts they use to try to lure in new members. How dare this monster think he understands anything other than his own sick fantasies.

  5. When I started reading Phil’s snuff fantasy, I thought it would end with “…The Aristocrats!” Sigh.

    1. Crazy is as crazy does. The possibility that he could be wrong is beyond Robertson’s comprehension as are most things.

  6. I was confronted at a church conference a few years ago by a small coterie of folks opposed to the full participation of glbt people in the denomination (I was wearing a rainbow scarf, that’s how they identified me). They sort of tag-teamed me about gays, one of them demanding to know if I thought gay sex was “normal.” He included a detailed description of gay male intercourse, and before I could stop myself I eye-balled him and asked, “You spend a lot of time thinking about this, don’t you?”

    I think I’d have the same reaction to Mr. Robertson.

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