John & Ted’s Excellent Misadventure

Cruz-Kasich Meme

My photoshop skills are rather limited or I would have posted a certain movie poster with the also-ran’s pinheads on Bill and Ted’s bodies. I should apologize to Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, dude for even contemplating such a thing. Sorry, dudes. All I can do is to post a meme picture; that reminds me of the musical Auntie Meme. Rumor has it that she could charm the husk right off the corn. A useful skill, y’all, I mean, dudes.

The Kasich-Cruz pact got off to a rocky start on Monday and looks shakier by the day. It’s not exactly a pact of steel, more like an axis of malakatude, dude.The candidates don’t seem to be on the same page as to what it means. I think Bill and Ted, not to mention Harold and Kumar or Cheech and Chong, would be more coherent, dude. I just want to look at John and Ted and say: DUUUUDE, IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE, especially after Tuesday’s results. Additionally, the pact is too limited in scope to make any impact. Perhaps we should call it the soft landing pact or is that soft opening? Beats the hell outta me. All I know for sure is that they’re not ready for Broadway. I suspect the Donald calls it the Great White Way. It’s the Republican way.

Every time GOPers mount a stop Trump movement it flops, fizzles, and other F words. Fuckin’ A. The biggest problem with the so-called #NeverTrump movement is how weak the messengers are. Tailgunner Ted is one of the most hated people in public life and, as much as I hate to agree with the Insult Comedian, John Kasich should stop eating in public. I hereby dub him Sloppy John…

Despite the cable newsers claiming that a Stop The Frontrunner cabal is “unprecedented,” Charlie Pierece has a good run down of the ones on the Democratic side in 1972 and 1976:

In 1972, the Anybody But McGovern movement was led by an obscure Southern governor named Jimmy Carter, but the best they could come up with for a candidate was Senator Henry (Scoop) Jackson, who’d been an electoral cipher. Four years later, when Carter himself was the target, the movement against him was as inchoate as the anti-Trump forces have been this year. Some people propped up Jackson again, and there even was talk of hauling Hubert Humphrey out of cold storage for one more stagger around the far turn. Senator Frank Church and Governor Jerry Brown jumped in late and won some primaries, thereby screwing the guy who actually was running second, Arizona Congressman Mo Udall, who was the real casualty of the anti-Carter movement. And, no, I still don’t want to talk about it.

Charlie may not want to talk about it but I don’t want to discuss it:

Guess it’s the same thing except for the whole Little Richard thing:

It looks as if the Insult Comedian will be at or near the magic number when the GOP convenes in Cleveland. I don’t think the axis of malakatude will be enough to take the Donald out. Once again, it’s too little too late.

Since I have kooky comedic characters on my mind, it just occurred to me that there are too many Moes in the Republican race right now. I’m talking about Moe Howards. All three Republican survivors fancy themselves Moes although Kasich seems to be in touch with his Inner Larry. The problem for the axis of malakatude is that the Insult Comedian is the Alpha-Moe and they just can’t keep up with his eye-poking ability. Now that I think of it, Trump is in touch with his Inner Curly as well. It’s bloody hard to beat the Insult Comedian when it comes to Three Stooges metaphors.

It looks like it’s going to be a Trump-Clinton smackdown in the general election. I wonder how long he can go without mocking HIllary’s appearance and questioning Bill’s choice to not dump her for a trophy wife or two or three. Here’s one possible attack line for Team Clinton: Don’t elect a man who will call Angela Merkel ugly.

I still hope there will a second ballot at the Republican convention but I’m not underrating the Insult Comedian this time around. The fucker has staying power. It could be the result of dealing with Gary Busey on the Celebrity Apprentice. The dude is cray-cray, dude.

As for John & Ted’s Excellent Misadventure it’s doomed, dude. Why? Carole King has the answer as well as the last word:


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