Shut up, Tom Friedman: 

Appearing on Imus in the Morning Tuesday, New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman told host Don Imus that he believes that Islamic State wants Donald Trump to win the presidency.

“The bad guys know just what they’re doing,” Friedman said. “They wanted [Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu] because that would radicalize the situation even more. And I fear that ISIS will believe that Trump would radicalize the situation even more.”

I don’t actually think it’s okay to speculate about who ISIS wants to be president. Because first of all, ISIS wants to be president, itself, and second, if ISIS is not happy with our present Seekrit Muslim Kenyan I doubt they will be happy with a racist ear of corn like Trump.

Third, it’s just dumb and gross and lazy. It was dumb and gross and lazy when people were yelling that Bin Laden and Kerry had secret handshakes and it was dumb and gross and lazy when people were yelling that McCain and al Qaeda had secret handshakes and the only proper response to the idea that terrorists favor one candidate over another is WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT THEY WANT THEY ARE NOT THE BOSSES OF US.

We can argue all day long whose policies would benefit terrorists who prey on the weak and the poor, but quite honestly more people are dying here every day of preventable diseases and poverty and violence so when we are done with which presidential candidate the American terrorists are excited about, we can then rule out the candidate overseas terrorists want, too.

A.