I’m late to this subject but I wasn’t feeling particularly funny last week. That’s a rotten place for a satirist to find oneself in, but images of caged children have a way of making one feel somber. You know things are rotten when even I cannot find the humor in them. Things remain as rotten but I’m back to thinking laughter is the best medicine and that rotten is the secret word. I cannot believe I just name checked a Reader’s Digest feature. It must be a sign of impending senility or perhaps even condensed senescence…
Last week, the president* tried to change the subject from caged children by announcing a kinda sorta new initiative:
“We are going to have the Air Force and we are going to have the Space Force — separate but equal. It is going to be something. So important,” Trump said at the third meeting of the National Space Council.
Trump’s deeply strange nod to racial-segregation policies was likely (though not definitely) unintentional.
“We will establish a long-term presence, expand our economy, and build the foundation for the eventual mission to Mars — which is actually going to happen very quickly,” Trump said. “And, you know, I’ve always said that rich guys seem to like rockets. So all of those rich guys that are dying for our real estate to launch their rockets, we won’t charge you too much. Just go ahead. If you beat us to Mars, we’ll be very happy and you’ll be even more famous.”
Trump had initially endorsed the idea of a Space Force in March, proclaiming, in a bit of Reagan-esque rhetoric, that “space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea.”
The new branch would be overseen by the Air Force, much the way that the Marine Corps is governed by the Navy.
The idea was first floated last March but Defense Secretary Mattis vetoed the notion. It must have been revived by a sci-fi fan on Trumpy’s staff or in Congress since he’s shown no sign of sci-fi awareness in the past. There is, however, a lot of fantasy fiction on his twitter feed.
I’m pretty sure the separate but equal reference was another feat of historical cluelessness. I suspect Trump has no idea who Homer Plessy was or what Jim Crow was. Of course, if Steven Miller wrote the speech all bets are off. Historical race baiting is his jam, after all.
The proposal was greeted with much derision. It took all the restraint I have to not call this post Trumpy’s Space Farce. Since someone else did it last week, I farced myself not to do so.
The Space Force is a terrible idea. As a die-hard Star Trek fan, I’m opposed to militarizing space. It’s what Klingons and Romulans do, not Americans. Hell, I even believe in the prime directive, which decrees we shouldn’t mess in other people’s business. Ain’t nothing worse than space busy bodies. Pointy-eared motherfuckers.
As I pointed out in 2016, if Trump were a Star Trek species, he’d be a Ferengi. They’re avaricious, misogynistic, and horny little creatures. I think Trumpy still aspires to be Grand Nagus.
I have a new nickname for the Insult Comedian: Grand Nagus Trumpy. Sure, it’s an inside joke but I’m an inside joker.
While we’re on the subject of Star Trek, I’d like to recommend a twitter feed. Gul Dukat was the main Cardassian villain on Deep Space Nine. Some clever clogs has come up with a Gul Dukat feed. It’s a hilarious parody of current events from the perspective of a cynical fictional space villain:
If Captain Sisko (who got nowhere with The Dominion and had to go to war with many billions of people being killed) had gotten along with The Dominion and made the initial steps toward a deal that I have, the #FakeNews would have named him a quadrant hero!
— Gul Dukat (@realGulDukat) June 18, 2018
The Wormhole has been a big mess and problem for many years. At some point Sisko and Picard, who are weak on Crime and Wormhole security, will be forced to do a real deal, so easy, that solves this long time problem. Sisko used to want Wormhole security – now he’ll take Crime!
— Gul Dukat (@realGulDukat) June 21, 2018
Jeez, I’ve sunk low. I’m quoting a fictionalized fictional character if you follow me. Perhaps Trumpy should try channeling Gul Dukat instead of the Grand Nagus. Of course, Dukat knows and uses big words. In Trumpese: he has the best words.
Finally, it’s time to circle back to the post title and featured image. They’re inspired by my obsession with the early Tubes. Space Baby was one of their signature songs: “Space baby, you got no planet.”
It’s eerily relevant because it’s about itinerant aliens. Rock and Roll aliens, not what the neo-Know-Nothings call “illegal aliens.” The Tubes get the last word:
One thought on “Space Trumpy”
Laff, Trump as a Ferengi almost looks like an improvement. If I have time later I’ll see if I can come up with one that’s more…I dunno, jowly, flabby…
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