I’m convinced that the great sneaker war of 2018 is the stupidest development yet of the Trump era. It’s led to the stupid “boycott” of Nike branded products and to egregious malakatude of the part of a suburban mayor in the New Orleans metro area. And that is why Ben Zahn is malaka of the week.
Ben Zahn, a florist by trade, is a longtime GOP politico in Jefferson Parish. He’s the latest in a long line of “distinguished” mayors of an undistinguished burg:
That may have been overly self-referential but what’s wrong with a bit of self-branding among friends? The current mayor of Kenna, Brah caused a shitstorm with a memo dated September 5th that hit social media this weekend. There are pictures of the damn thing all over the interweb, but they’re hard to read so here’s the full quote in all its idiotic glory:
Effective immediately, all purchases made by any booster club operating at any Kenner Recreation Facility for wearing apparel, shoes, athletic equipment, and/or any athletic product must be approved by the Director of Parks and Recreation, or his designee. Under no circumstances will any Nike product with the Nike logo be purchased for use or delivery at any City of Kenner Recreation Facility.
The booster clubs mentioned are private groups many of which help underprivileged kids. That’s the face of modern authoritarian conservatism: government telling private groups what products they can purchase and where they can wear them. I believe it’s called censorship. Additionally, this proclamation of malakatude was issued by a second-generation small business owner. So much for free enterprise.
I suppose it’s time to explain the Kenna, Brah meme. I wrote about it back in 2012 when his predecessor, sexting perv Mike Yenni, was outraged by this Dirty Coast t-shirt :
The sexting perv, who is now Jefferson Parish president, was also outraged that people pronounced and spelled Kenner, Kenna. It’s called a Yat accent, Mikey. You’ve been topped in Kenna, Brah malakatude by Ben Zahn.
Mayor Malaka has thus far declined comment, but there are already moves to roll back this rolling First Amendment violation as you can see from a tweet from a friend of mine:
Julie pronounces her name Zhulie in the French manner, which uniquely qualifies her to comment on the latest Kenner/Kenna controversy.
I doubt that Mayor Malaka’s order will stand for long. Except for hardcore racists and Trumpers, the local reaction has been scathing. Any legal defense is doomed because of some earlier Zahniac comments at the ironically named Kenner Freedom Fest:
“I’m going to ask y’all to stand for what’s about to happen. … Because this is not the NFL football players, right?” he said before the anthem was sung, eliciting cheers from the crowd. “This is the city of Kenner. In the city of Kenner we all stand. We’re going to be proud of that”
Holy content based censorship, Batman. Then there’s the matter of freedom of association and on and on and on.
Perhaps Zahn is so strident about the stupid sneaker war because he’s a white politician pandering to his base in a community that’s majority minority. According to the last census, Kenna, Brah has a population of 66,954 of whom 47.8% are white, 23.9% Black, and 22.9% Hispanic. If the non-white majority votes in greater numbers in future elections, you’d be wise to watch your back Mayor Kenna, Brah.
Ben Zahn fancies himself a super-patriot. He’s really a bush league Donald Trump with his own set of impulse control issues. The good news is that this unilateral move appears to be blowing up in his face. And that is why Ben Zahn is malaka of the week.