Day One, Act Two: Oy, Such Bad Lawyering

You’re probably wondering about the featured image. Trump lawyer Bruce Castor got oily and tried to flatter the senate. You know it worked with the Impeached Insult Comedian. Anyway, he cited former Senate GOP leader Everett McKinley Dirksen and the records his family played for fun. Not my idea of fun but I’m not a Republican.

The irony of the Dirksen soliloquy is that he was a genuine conservative as well as LBJ’s partner on the Civil Rights Act. That’s right, the Illinois windbag worked closely with LBJ and Hubert Humphrey to pass that landmark legislation.

Enough history. Back to Team Trump’s lawyers. They were terrible in different ways: Castor was all folksy and shit and David Schoen shouted a lot. Neither made any salient arguments on substantive matters but they had 44 seconds to prepare. Pennywise changes attorneys like most of us change our underwear: 9 times in four years. I change mine daily,  but a joke is a joke is a joke.

Folksy Bruce Castor *was* a joke. A bad one. Here are a few tweets from some smart ass on Twitter:

Do people still drink castor oil? I would hope not. It’s nasty but my usually sensible Norwegian mother thought it was healthy. Pretty much the only thing she was ever wrong about.


David Schoen (pronounced Shane) spoke longer and louder. He reminded me of Gym Jordan with a jacket. He talked so LOUDLY that I shushed him a few times. Here are his Tweets; two of which contains jokes about one of my favorite movies.

Brandon de Wilde of Shane fame wouldn’t have liked him. I can see why Roger Stone loves him: they both shout incessantly.

Neither Castor nor Schoen made any solid constitutional arguments. It was gibberish, a mish-mash, a muddle. Ugh.

Things went so poorly for Team Trump that Rep. Raskin waived his rebuttal time. Wise choice.

There was a big surprise from the Gret Stet’s senior senator:

That’s 56 votes including 6 GOPers. I think we’ll get 4 or 5 Republican votes from old school conservatives like Romney, Sasse, Toomey, and Murkowski. Runaround Sue Collins gonna do her thing and may land on the right side. I still think Double Bill votes to acquit the Kaiser of Chaos.

That’s it for tonight. The last word goes to the Edgar Winter Group with Rick Derringer on lead guitar: