Mixed Nuts

There’s a lot going on in the news so it’s time to open a can of mixed nuts. I realize that the featured image features the evolution of Mr. Peanut, but I’m a fan of one of America’s original advertising icons; so much so that I used the word icon, which I usually disdain. That’s how much I revere Mr. Peanut.

We begin with the nuts that people eat around: Brazil nuts. Elon Musk of flaming car fame met last week with the man my Brazilian friends call Bozo, which is one of the best derisive nicknames ever. It’s unclear if Musk’s bid for Twitter is on or off but President Yair Bolsonaro is for it. Bozo is opposed to what he calls free speech deforestation. He excels at Trump style projection.

I have only one question: how much did Bozo shake Musk down for during their Elongated meeting?

We close this segment with a side-by-side shot of Bozo the Clown and Bozo the Brazil Nut:

The baby formula crisis seems to be easing. It’s what happens when you allow monopolies. There are only three American formula manufacturers and Trump’s NAFTA reboot protected them from Canadian competition. That’s a formula for disaster.

Speaking of formula disasters this 1980 movie bombed:

The formula for The Formula’s failure was the giant egos of George C. Scott and Marlon Brando; the only two actors to reject Oscars. The public rejected this lousy movie.

Let’s get back on track, there’s Dipshit Insurrection news to be found in our can of mixed nuts. Since it involves a Georgia congressman, let’s call it a pecan. Peanuts are for Democrats in Georgia:

Did Mr. Peanut drive the Peanut mobile to Plains?

It’s been revealed that Georgia wingnut Barry Loudermilk is the one who gave tours of the Capitol the day before the Dipshit Insurrection. He initially lied about it, then denounced the colleague who complained about it. He finally fessed up to taking a “family in red hats” around a Capitol that was closed to tourists because of COVID on 1/5/2021.

Loudermilk’s refusal to cooperate with the Dipshit Insurrection committee earned him the Impeached Insult Comedian’s endorsement. This Trumpian nod is as worthless as his endorsement of David Perdue: Loudermilk is running unopposed in his primary. Thanks, Donald.

Barry Loudermilk may be one of the worst members of Congress, but he has one of the best names. It’s so punworthy that I resisted the temptation to riff on it until now:

You say Loudermilk, I say Quieter Cream. Let’s call the whole thing off before the milk lobby loudly denounces me.

Since I ended the last segment with a movie poster, let’s do it again:

Despite a swell cast and Nora Ephron directing a script she wrote with her kid sister Delia, Mixed Nuts flopped. It never became a holiday staple. Nuts to that.

The most plentiful nut in a can of mixed nuts is the humble peanut. It turns out that peanuts are the most popular nuts in Russia. Who knew?

A Russian diplomat named Boris Bondarev has resigned and denounced Putin’s war in scathing terms in an email to colleagues:

β€œThose who conceived this war want only one thing β€” to remain in power forever, live in pompous tasteless palaces, sail on yachts comparable in tonnage and cost to the entire Russian Navy, enjoying unlimited power and complete impunity. To achieve that they are willing to sacrifice as many lives as it takes.”

Well done, Boris.

This is a serious subject, so I’ve been reluctant to mention a notorious Russian spy whose name is eerily similar to the disgusted diplomat. Boris Bondarev meet Boris Badenov:

While searching for that GIF, I stumbled into this weird image of British Prime Minister Boris Johnson playing rugby with some kids.

Sorry for searing that image on your collective brains. At least the prime ministerial trousers didn’t fall off.

I’m skipping the JIF peanut butter recall. I’m a Skippy guy; creamy not crunchy. Damn, skippy.

Now that we’ve picked out the cashews, let’s close our can of mixed nuts until the next time we meet, Does that make us nattering nabobs of nuttiness? Beats the hell outta me.

The last word goes to Dr. John with the Mixed Nuts theme song:


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