Your Monday Cheese

Image by Michael F.

I have decided to make Kenneth Chesebro my new favorite target. Why? His past and his nickname. I don’t even have to dub him The Cheese. That was his law school nickname back when he associated with the likes of Larry Tribe, Ron Klain, and Elena Kagan instead of John Eastman and Alex Jones.

You heard that last name right:

“When conspiracy theorist Alex Jones marched his way to the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, riling up his legion of supporters, an unassuming middle-aged man in a red “Trump 2020” hat conspicuously tagged along.

Videos and photographs reviewed by CNN show the man dutifully recording Jones with his phone as the bombastic media personality ascended to the restricted area of the Capitol grounds where mobs of then-President Donald Trump’s supporters eventually broke in.

While the man’s actions outside the Capitol that day have drawn little scrutiny, his alleged connections to a plot to overthrow the 2020 election have recently come into sharp focus: He is attorney Kenneth Chesebro, the alleged architect of the scheme to subvert the 2020 Electoral College process by using fake GOP electors in multiple states.

When asked by the House select committee where he was the first week of January 2021 and on January 6, Chesebro invoked his Fifth Amendment rights. But a CNN investigation has placed him outside of the Capitol at the same time as his alleged plot to keep Trump in office unraveled inside it.

There is no indication Chesebro entered the Capitol Building or was violent. Jones did not enter the Capitol on January 6, 2021, or engage in violence, but he had warned of a coming battle the day before and urged his supporters to converge on the Capitol.”

The Cheese was dumb enough to be at the scene of the crime, but smart enough not to follow the rabble inside. Here’s an image CNN’s Andrew Kaczynski and his crack team found of The Cheese with the sleaze:

That’s a spotlight or a circle, not a halo. They don’t give haloes to Dipshit Insurrectionists and those who whip them up like Feta froth. He should have known better and cheesed it when the cameras panned near his face, which is as white as Monterrey Jack.

How did The Cheese go from Larry Tribe protégé to palling around with Alex Jones? Beats the hell outta me. It’s puzzled most people who know him as well.

The Cheese comes by his nickname honestly because of the name Chesebro and where he comes from: Wisconsin Rapids, WI. He does not, however, come from a cheesemaking family: his father was a music teacher and his mother a speech therapist. Those are liberal sounding occupations to me. The Cheese needs a different kind of therapy after being indicted for racketeering.

There’s much speculation about what triggered The Cheese to become not only a rabid Trumper but a co-conspirator in the political crime of the century.

The Cheese made a shit ton of money speculating in crypto currency but got out before the crash. I doubt that’s it: Money has been known to move people to the right, but it shouldn’t turn one’s brain into runny Camembert.

My hunch is that The Cheese’s MAGA-ward swing was provoked by three factors:

1) Resentment of some of his Harvard classmates: Who’s career wouldn’t seem as mild as Colby Jack in contrast to the two Ks, Kagan and Klain. They’re Pepper Jack all the way, baby.

2) The Cheese wanted to be glory, not reflected glory. Larry Tribe was once his idol, but The Cheese seems to have had a belated rebellion against his legal daddy.

3) By all accounts, The Cheese loves the game playing aspect of the law. Did he see the coup plot as the world’s most interesting puzzle? This strikes me as the most plausible theory. It’s as solid as a chunk of Wisconsin Brick cheese.

The Cheese testified before J6 committee investigators, but he’s been scarce since the indictments have flowed like Fondue. No subpoenas have successfully been served on him. He seems to have moved to Puerto Rico where his law firm has a satellite office. Is The Cheese on the run? I doubt it since Puerto Rico is American. I expect he’ll show up to be arraigned. If not, he might end up in the slammer where they serve American cheese, which is only good for this:

That sounds like this Robbie Robertson song:

All this cheese chatter makes me think of Monty Python’s Cheese Shop sketch:

Finest in the district, sir.

I see The Cheese in the Palin role and Jack Smith in the Cleese part. Change one letter in Cleese and you have Cheese. Alex Jones would find a conspiracy in that, but I believe in coincidences. They happen every day.

In the only major interview The Cheese has given, he lied to TPM’s Josh Kovensky about his whereabouts on Dipshit Insurrection day. He was there watching and waiting to see if that phase of the coup plot would work . That’s when he became a Rogue Cheddar with a Havarti degree…

In the end, The Cheese’s story is as full of holes as Swiss Cheese and smells as bad as Gorgonzola. His most likely defense is attorney-client privilege, which hasn’t worked for other Trumpers. The privilege is easily pierced when the advice involves a crime. This one did.

While we’re on the subject of Larry Tribe, he and Judge Michael Luttig have written a piece for The Atlantic in which they argue that the 14th Amendment’s Insurrection Clause bars the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian from office. I’m inclined to agree BUT I think Trump and Trumpism need to be defeated at both the ballot box and in a court of law. Trumpism needs to be grated like Parmesan but instead of sprinkling it over pasta it should be consigned to the dustbin of history.

The last word goes to Rosco Gordon. I have a different kind of cracker in mind:


One thought on “Your Monday Cheese

  1. I would treat Trumpism more like saganaki–just set it on fire and let it burn to the ground, then scatter the ashes.

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