The featured image is of Nikki Haley and Donald Trump in happier times. The picture was taken when Haley was the Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian’s unqualified UN Ambassador. In 2024, she’s his unqualified opponent. Republicans are choosing between the unfit and unqualified in New Hampshire today. Schmucks.

Recently the Kaiser of Chaos conflated Haley with Nancy Pelosi who is 32 years older.

?? Trump seems to confuse Nikki Haley with Nancy Pelosi, saying “Nikki Haley” four times to claim she was in charge of Capitol security on Jan. 6, 2021. pic.twitter.com/xgmxtv4KCp

— Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur) January 20, 2024

Haley actually mounted a mild, mushy, Nikki Haley-style critique of Trump’s comments. Too little too late. Haley supported Trump twice and he was just as crazy and unfit in 2016 as he is today.

The Kaiser of Chaos has also gone birther and mocked Haley’s birth name in the same way he attacked Barrack Obama. It’s creepy: I stopped using former Gret Stet Governor Bobby Jindal’s birth name of Piyush when an Indian friend said it made me, not Jindal look bad. Besides, PBJ is a funnier nickname.

This recent exchange made me wonder what else Trump will blame Haley for if she doesn’t drop out tonight. They’re strictly fiction, for the sake of this exercise, I pretend that Trump is not a low information Insult Comedian.

The Top Ten Things Trump Blames On Nikki Haley

NUMBER 10:

The assassination of Indira Gandhi. Sure, Haley was only twelve at the time, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

 NUMBER 9, NUMBER 9, NUMBER 9:

The defeat of General Custer at the Little Big Horn. Sure, Haley wasn’t born yet, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 8:

The bloodbath after the partition of India and Pakistan. Sure, Haley wasn’t born yet, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 7:

Her fellow South Carolinian Lindsay Graham’s attacks on Trump in 2016. Sure, Haley endorsed Rubio, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 6:

The failure of the Trump Casinos in Atlantic City, Sure, Haley had nothing to do with gambling, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 5:

Tony Soprano getting food poisoning at an Indian restaurant at the end of season 2. Sure, Haley isn’t in show biz, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 4:

The indigestion Trump got the only time he ate chana masala. Sure Haley, isn’t a chef, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 3:

The COVID pandemic. Sure, Haley isn’t a doctor, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 2:

Alec Baldwin’s impression. Sure, Haley isn’t a comedy writer, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

NUMBER 1:

The Kennedy assassination in cahoots with Ted Cruz’s papi. Sure, Haley wasn’t born yet, but she’s Indian, isn’t she?

I could go on and on, but I’ll leave that to the king of verbal diarrhea, the Kaiser of Chaos. Is he king or an emperor? You decide. One thing I’m sure of is that he’s not Indian either dots or feathers.

The last word goes to Todd Rundgren & Donald Fagen: