Your President Speaks!

From Holden:

I meant to dissect Chimpy’s appearance in Wheeling, West Virginia, yesterday but time got away from me. So let’s launch ourselves into the attrocities.

Suprised To Learn That States With More People Got Greater Populations

And no state has presented — had more people volunteering to serve than the great state of West Virginia. Now, they’ll say, maybe some states have more people, but they got greater populations.

It’s OK To Forget What I’m About To Tell You

First of all, I knew that the farther we got away from September the 11th, 2001, the more likely it would be that some would forget the lessons of that day. And that’s okay. That’s okay, because the job of those of us who have been entrusted to protect you and defend you is really to do so in such a way that you feel comfortable about going about your life, see. And it’s fine that people forget the lessons. But one of my jobs is to constantly remind people of the lessons.

The State of the Nations

The second part of a lesson that we must never forget is the enemy, in that they’re not a nation state — in other words, they don’t represent a nation state like armies and navies used to do — need safe haven.

They Got Elections

Afghanistan — I went there with Laura. We had a good visit with President Karzai. I like him — good man. You can imagine what it’s like to try to rebuild a country that had been occupied and then traumatized by the Taliban. They’re coming around. They got elections.

I’m A Miserable Failure

I’m finding out what went wrong. In other words, one of the things you better make sure of when you’re the President, you’re getting good intelligence, and, obviously, the intelligence broke down.

When The Other Words Are The Same Words

Iraq is a part of the global war on terror. In other words, it’s a global war.

Pronged Three Times

And we have a strategy for victory in Iraq. It’s a three-pronged strategy, starting with — it’s politics, it is a — it’s security, and it’s economy.

The Government Should Stop Going On Blind Dates

And the people have spoken. And now it’s time for a government to get stood up.

Irony? What’s That?

It took us a while from the moment of our revolution to get our Constitution written, the one that we now live by.

We’re Fighting Stuff In Iraq

The problem was the big plants served as big targets for those who are disgruntled, the terrorists who are going into Iraq to use it as a safe haven, plus some of their allies, the Saddamists. These were Saddam’s inner-circle buddies and stuff like that that had received special privileges.

Neil Bush Is In The House

So our troops went in with Iraqis and cleaned it out. The problem — oh, not through yet. A little early on the clap.

Dreams Of Beheading Chimps

The problem was, we continued to pursue the enemy, and they moved back in, these killers and murderers moved back in, and just created a mess. I mean, they — I said in my speech, they mortared children in a playground, they recruited young kids, abused them, violated them. There’s one boy in particular who told our guys, once the city eventually got liberated, his dream was to behead somebody with a — anyway, we started working with the local folks again.

And now, the questions from the audience. Let’s start with the sycophants.

Thanking God For The Chickenhawk Commander In Chief

Q Mr. President, I have a son that’s special forces in Iraq. And I have another son — (applause.) I have another son that’s in the Army. He left college to join the Army. He’s out in Hawaii. He’s got the good duty right now. (Laughter.) But I thank God that you’re our Commander-in-Chief. And I wouldn’t want my boys — (applause.)

THE PRESIDENT: Okay, thanks.

Q Again, I thank God you’re our Commander-in-Chief. You’re a man for our times. And I’m supporter of yours. And I think it’s good that you come out and tell your story. And I think you need to keep doing more of it, and tell the story and the history of all this. And God bless you. And I thank you for your service.

Kill Their Leaders And Convert Them TO Christianity

Q President Bush, I’m a professional firefighter here in Wheeling, West Virginia.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, sir. (Applause.)

Q And back during 9/11, I lost over 300 of my brothers in New York. And I was glad that you were our President at that time and took the fight to the terrorists. But as I see you, I said earlier about the guy in Afghanistan that is going to convert to Christianity, he may get killed over there for doing that. Do you have an army of sociologists to go over there and change that country, or are you hoping that in a couple decades that we can change the mind-set over there?

Is Helen Thomas In The House?

Q Do you like living in the White House?

I’m Stockpiling Videos Of The Schools

Q I have a comment, first of all, and then just a real quick question. I want to let you know that every service at our church you are, by name, lifted up in prayer, and you and your staff and all of our leaders. And we believe in you. We are behind you. And we cannot thank you enough for what you’ve done to shape our country. (Applause.)

This is my husband, who has returned from a 13-month tour in Tikrit.

THE PRESIDENT: Oh, yes. Thank you. Welcome back. (Applause.)

Q His job while serving was as a broadcast journalist. And he has brought back several DVDs full of wonderful footage of reconstruction, of medical things going on. And I ask you this from the bottom of my heart, for a solution to this, because it seems that our major media networks don’t want to portray the good. They just want to focus — (applause) —

THE PRESIDENT: Okay, hold on a second.

Q They just want to focus on another car bomb, or they just want to focus on some more bloodshed, or they just want to focus on how they don’t agree with you and what you’re doing, when they don’t even probably know how you’re doing what you’re doing anyway. But what can we do to get that footage on CNN, on FOX, to get it on headline news, to get it on the local news? Because you can send it to the news people — and I’m sorry, I’m rambling — like I have —

THE PRESIDENT: So was I, though, for an hour. (Laughter.)

Q — can you use this, and it will just end up in a drawer, because it’s good, it portrays the good. And if people could see that, if the American people could see it, there would never be another negative word about this conflict.

This Guy Was Totally Unscreened

Q Mr. President, I want to say it’s a privilege and a blessing to be here with you.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you.

Q And thank you for having integrity since you’ve been in office, and character.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, sir. (Applause.)

Q I’m statewide field director for the campaign for Hiram Lewis for U.S. Senate. And as you close — I appreciate what you had stated earlier about politicians. And as you close today, I did two years of volunteer work for the Republican Party while I worked a full-time job, and it paid off for me in this position now. And I see folks that are increasingly discouraged with the status quo, because the difference —

THE PRESIDENT: No campaign speeches.

Q No, sir, I’m not.

THE PRESIDENT: Okay.

With only 32% to 39% of the country supporting this clown it was hard for Chimpy’s handlers to completely screen out those who have sworn off on Kool-Aid.

The Two Members Of The Reality-Based Community Who Slipped In

Number 1

Q Mr. President, I was wondering actually how you felt about America’s double standard on nuclear energy, as far as countries like Iran, India, and Israel go?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, I appreciate that. I may ask you to clarify your question of “double standard.”

Q Well, how we don’t allow Iran to have nuclear energy, yet we’re supporting India.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, no, I got it, good, good, good.

Q And Israel’s nuclear weapons —

Number 2

Q Mr. President, thank you again for coming. My question — I believe that one of our greatest resources is our self-sufficiency. And as you drive down the road, you’ll see that our community is dying because of the importation of cheap steel. I’d like to know what your plans are to help alleviate this.