Everything I need to know, I learned from Boogie Nights


p>(A.K.A: W.W.D.D.D?)

Sometimes the world doesn’t make a lot of sense.

My last university tenured someone and gave her a distinguished chair position after only about half the time usually required for tenure because she was the last person left with half a brain. Had it given those out to the people who actually did leave, the school would have been better off and wouldn’t be stuck filling three more positions.

A raving psychotic is likely to not only get his way in my current job but destroy our department as well.

My best friend got a jump on her mid-life crisis by doing something she always wanted to do, while my mid-life crisis is stalled because a) I hate tattoos and b) it needs to be fed witha classic Mustang I can’t afford. Meanwhile, the Missus just spent $89 on yarn for three pairs of socks while I’m stockpiling Diet Coke because I found a 5 12 packs for $10 coupon.

The long and thoughtful post I’ve been working on this week on the idiocy that was WaPo and the subsequent fall out has been trumped by Ms. A’s brilliance, thus making it pointless to post my version.

And while it seems like you couldn’t name anything any other former VP has ever done in life, Dick Cheney is still creating problems.

So you might ask, “Doc, where can we turn when the world is so bat-shit crazy?”

My answer: “Boogie Nights, of course.”

Never has there been a film that more clearly defines what to do and what not to do in tense times. No other film has been as clearly inspiring or filled with fortune-cookie wisdom as P.T. Anderson’s magnum opus. The Missus and I ended up seeing this on one of our earliest dates, although that was inadvertent, given that I thought it was a story about 1970s disco movements. Of all the great moments, the best was in the theater during the scene in which we finally saw “it” exposed. The guy in front of me scoffed at the mammothity that was Dirk Diggler, saying something to the effect of “I’m close to that big” to which his girlfriend broke out in uncontrollable laughter.

Still, below is a list of all the things you can learn if you watch carefully:

4 thoughts on “Everything I need to know, I learned from Boogie Nights

  1. I love that long pool sequence. One of my favorite movie scenes ever.

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