Quitting Time Booster Shot

Welcome to the Booster, the debate-night edition, where no one needs to be raped or murdered to convince us of anything.

– Spending the weekend judging debate at a local high school
populated by exceptionally rich kids. The school is located in a part of town
that I wouldn’t leave the shittiest car I’ve ever owned, which seems if not
ironic, just downright unfair. The funniest thing about this is that every male
child here looks like he is about 12 years old while every female debater looks
like a) the uber nerd kid who would be kicked out of band for being too uncool
or b) the star of “The Crush 3.” I saw a kid on a pair of heels so high, she
almost needed to wear an orange hat to warn low-flying aircraft of her presence.

– Here’s a bit of advice to the folks out there who think
that brights and regular headlights are the same thing: They’re not. Thus, when
one headlight burns out, drive over to the auto parts store and replace it.
They cost very little. If you don’t get one before the second one burns out, go
out during the next set of daylight hours and replace them both. Again, you’re
looking at about 20 bucks max. As a guy who was in front of someone who failed
to do this, let me assure you that cranking on the brights and driving up my
ass is not something cool to do.

– If you haven’t found this yet, follow @shitmydadsays on
Twitter. It’s worth it.

– From the “Since when have facts dissuaded FOX from doing
” department: Apparently, CNN sending 12 reporters to the anti-tax
rally was “missing” the story according to FOX. I know the First Amendment
protects all points of view, but could we amend it to include a “shenanigans
provision for shitholes like FOX News? I’ll bring my own broom…

– Special shout out to Jude for the “Admitting you’re an
asshole” post. I’m ripping the poster and am planning to iron glue it to the
forehead of a departmental colleague.

– Was hanging at the student newspaper office when my cell
went off. The ringtone is a nice rip that I built from the Dylan/Will.i.am
Pepsi commercial, in which I took the rap side of “Forever Young.” The kids all
started looking around and asked, “Who’s phone is that?” I grabbed it and
walked out of the cave for better cell service. When I got back, one of the
kids said, “Was that REALLY your phone? I never imagined you would have a rap
song on your ringer.” How goddamned old do they think I am? Jesus, Rapper’s
Delight came out when I was about five…

– Had a weird moment in which I ended up getting into a
discussion with the newsroom kids about the concept of a “Hot Carl.” Never
heard of it. Looked it up. Realized that I never should look stuff up ever again.
However, the fact that this (and the concept of “Space Docking”) are not only
defined but apparently practiced makes me wonder why we’re freaking out about
swine flu instead of panicking about this stuff.

– And finally, from the “chutzpah maximus” department: A kid in one of my rounds, who was a minority, brought up the idea that standardized tests were unfair to minority students because the tests didn’t measure things properly. The opponent brought up the point that she was a bigger minority than he was, defining minorities as someone who wasn’t male and at least 25 percent non-Caucasian. “I’m a woman and I’m a quarter Hungarian,” she said. “I am way more minority than he is.” OK, I’m going to have to ponder that for a while…

In the mean time, thanks for letting me share your air. Be back next week.


8 thoughts on “Quitting Time Booster Shot

  1. I think of my debate judging days whenever I hear the GOP on health care. They’re making the same error I used to see in novice rounds, when the negative would both attack significance & harms, and run a counterplan.
    So their 1NC in a nutshell would be ‘There is no problem, and we solve it better!”…Always found it hard to write a tactful ballot after that doozy. (Of course, in those days, novices ran stock-issues. Today, it’s probably all the kritik and stuff…)

  2. The opponent brought up the point that she was a bigger minority than he was, defining minorities as someone who wasn’t male and at least 25 percent non-Caucasian.
    So did she cite the source of that definition or did she use the anal extrusion method?
    “I’m a woman and I’m a quarter Hungarian,” she said. “I am way more minority than he is.”
    And this is relevant because…? This sounds like classic glibertarianism: “I have not personally experienced X, so clearly it’s not a problem.” That shit really pisses me off.
    I had a boss with that attitude once: it’s the only job I’ve ever been fired from. It started when I told my boss that I had a lot of problems with the textbook we were using: the examples were poor, explanations were inadequate, and at least 6 weeks of required material weren’t actually covered in the book at all–you know, little things.
    Her response was basically this same argument: she didn’t have any problems with the textbook, she just copied entire chapters out of her personal library as handouts, and her students were fine. I was unable to get her to see that most of the teachers under her had neither a large collection of sample textbooks nora frickin’ copy budget, so this was a much bigger problem for the part timers.
    On the plus side, it really was an excellent lesson in empathy. And faulty inductive reasoning.

  3. Dorothy, and also, that violates copyright in about 100 different ways. But, details.
    ‘There is no problem, and we solve it better!”
    I’m stealing this for my next post in the Stupid Republican Tricks category.

  4. Aw Doc, does THAT bring back some memories. Haven’t judged debate for a couple of years. Do you have that short cut on your flow – the mushroom cloud? Because it was inevitable – all roads lead to nuclear war. If I adopted ANYTHING that the affirmative was proposing, I would be voting for nuclear war. That was replaced in the last couple of years with species extinction, but the shortcut remained the same.
    I hadn’t judged since my college days when my daughter joined debate and volunteered to help them. I’ll never forget the first round, where they kids asked me for my “judging paradigm.” I needed a paradigm to judge? I forever wanted to say “don’t be a lying, illogical tool” but always refrained. David, I started using the paradigm to get stock issues – cuz it pissed the little bastards off. They didn’t understand their kritik, so I’d tell them that unless they could make ME understand it, I wasn’t voting for it, I didn’t care how good it was. Yeah, I was a hated judge cuz I didn’t want to play their little games.
    I also had kids use Free Republic as a major source in a round. They lost. I asked them incredulously after the round, “Free Republic?” They were blown away that I knew what Free Republic was – they thought they were being so clever.

  5. Thanks for not telling us what a Hot Carl is. So I had to go look it up. Ick.
    To save the rest of you I’ll just say it involves poo.
    Speaking of poo. Do you think that Hannity would win a debate? Put Hannity in a real college debate format. Let him argue is usual side. (Or force him to do the opposite that should be interesting)

  6. Dorothy, and also, that violates copyright in about 100 different ways. But, details.
    See, A, when I pointed that out, it was just more evidence of my personal issues with this boss.
    Yeah, details. 🙂

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