Overcomplicating This Tiger Woods vs. Jesus Thing

Brit Hume’s critics are thinking too hard about this:

To briefly review, on “Fox News Sunday,”Hume said
the golfer’s Buddhism is inadequate to deal with Woods’ personal
problems. The ostensible journalist said Woods can “make a total
recovery and be a great example to the world” if he’d only “turn to the
Christian faith.”

O’Reilly asked a reasonably good question: “Was that proselytizing?

“I don’t think so,” Hume said, before reiterating his comments from Sunday that Woods should convert to Christianity.

Hume said that given Woods problems, he “needs something that
Christianity, especially, provides, and gives and offers.” That
includes, he said, the chance for “redemption and forgiveness.” Later
in the segment, Hume said: “I think that Jesus Christ offers Tiger
Woods something that Tiger Woods badly needs.”

I suspect for Fox News, dictionaries suffer from liberal biases, but “proselytize” isn’t a word burdened by nuance. Itmeans
“to induce someone to convert to one’s faith.” For Hume to deny that he
was proselytizing on the air is absurd. That Fox News considers this
incident consistent with its professional standards tells us all we
need to know about the so-called “news” network.

Was it proselytizing? How about this: Was it STUPID? How exactly is Jesus Christ supposed to keep Tiger from sticking his dick in women he’s not married to? How exactly does that work? Tiger is at the bar, getting eyes made at him by some adult woman, because who can blame her he’s Tiger Frigging Woods and though I don’t find him attractive I can see where girls want to hit that, and he’s thinking, “Hmm, maybe I ought to have sex with her despite my being married to another lady,” and Buddy Christ comes down and is all:

Because I don’t think it works that way. In the First Church of Athenae, God is not your traffic cop. God is not your mommy. God is not your Fuckup Insurance. Far too many fucking people seem to be all up in God’s stuff all day long asking Him to keep them from being assholes, and I just really … You being inspired by Jesus to be a good person doesn’t mean it is Jesus’s job to make you a good person, and this is a critical distinction a lot of evangelical practitioners of Consumer Christianity seem to miss.

It is no one’s job to make you a good person but you. It is your job to be that way. You can draw inspiration to not be a dick from anywhere you like, so
far as I’m concerned, and I’m not opposed to whatever makes you happy
being called God, but this constant acting like all it takes is a shot of the Jesus Vaccine to make your bullshit go away helps no one. It’s ineffective. It’s cheap.

So I don’t really care if it was proselytizing or not. It was goddamn dumb.

Pun intended.


10 thoughts on “Overcomplicating This Tiger Woods vs. Jesus Thing

  1. pansypoo says:

    because if the ladies were throwing themselves at brit hume(SHUDDER), jesus would make sure he said no.

  2. stormysu says:

    Not to mention that Buddha, unlike Jesus, actually talked about behaving well with regards to one’s sexuality! Tiger doesn’t need forgiveness, he needs to control himself and make more respectful choices.

  3. snabby says:

    Wow! That’s some powerful, funny writing right there, Athenae.
    Hume and his ilk are proof that devolution is real.

  4. Snarki, child of Loki says:

    …”proselytize” isn’t a word burdened by nuance. It means “to induce someone to convert to one’s faith.” For Hume to deny that he was proselytizing on the air is absurd.
    Ah, but how can you be so sure that Hume’s religion actuallyis christianity? Perhaps Hume’s a closet satanist, and just poses as a christian to make use of the “facilities” and do some recruitment.
    Most GOP policies are downright satanic, so it fits right in with Hume’s politics and Faux’s editorial stance.

  5. Adrastos says:

    Where can I sign up for the First Church of Athenae? Or have I already done so? I got nothin’ but questions.

  6. leftrev; HardCoreNana says:

    but this constant acting like all it takes is a shot of the Jesus Vaccine to make your bullshit go away helps no one. It’s ineffective. It’s cheap.
    Had to see it again. Bonhoffer would be so proud.
    Have I told you lately that I love you?

  7. MapleStreet says:

    Was your definition of “preselytize” from the biased Wikipedia or the bias-free Conservipedia?
    What gets me is that the most spiritual people I know tend to look at the spiritualities of religions other than their own.
    Hume OTOH apparently doesn’t know zip about the most basic underpinnings of Buddha (not like more than a few dozen people in the world are in the Buddha cult, huh?).
    A comparative Religions 101 class or Psych 101 or Philosophy 101 or even Music Appreciation 101 class would teach Hume that failure and redemption are rather universal themes.

  8. Interrobang says:

    Hume’s absolutely right — as the Consumer Christians (stolen, thanks) are so fond of reminding us, theynever have problems, because they’re “not perfect, just forgiven.” Bingo, no more problems, ever, because anything thatdoes come up, they can just deploy the Sacred Shield of Holy Handwavium and claim it’s between themselves, their families, and Jee-zuz. (*barf*)
    Which, come to think of it, puts an even more sinister cast on what Hume said, since if Consumer Christians are “not perfect, just forgiven,” Hume is implying directly that Tiger Woods needs to get right with Jee-zuz ASAP or he’s surely going to hell.

  9. pansypoo says:

    it is true christanity does have that get out of jail card.

  10. drunken hausfrau says:


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