Bill Clinton’s Inner Monologue

During the USA match:

This man is stressed out about the game; he does not want to have to
listen to Sepp Blatter make awkward small talk anymore. Clinton — a
renowned international charmer and the husband of one of the most
important diplomats in the world — is very unsubtly telling Blatter to
shut his gob and just watch the game already, because DeMarcus Beasley
has come on and Clinton needs to think about whether he should go down
and open a can of Arkansas whupass on Bob Bradley’s face.

No, he doesn’t know of any good secretaries who might be willing to
make the move to Zurich, Sepp. Shut up. Just shut up already, why he
won’t shut up? Oh my god Donovan
scoredintheninetiethminutethatisawesomeIneedaBigMacwithextracheeserightnow.
Now now now. Sepp get out of my way. Get off me Sepp. No, don’t
invite me to the FIFA Christmas party. Yeah yeah, thanks for the seat.
Yeah whatever, USA rules, oh hey Edson, what’s up?

A.

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