The hills are alive with the sound of malakatude. It’s the year of the crazy andmy friend Jeffrey is convinced that it’s 1994 all over again. I hope he’s wrong but one piece of history will not repeat this time around: a Cuomo will be elected Governor of New York. Andrew Cuomo is not as likeable as his father Mario who lost as a three term incumbent in the 1994 bloodbath but he’s one of those rare hard ass Dems that we need more of. There was one outlier poll showing his opponent, this week’s malaka, Carl Paladino down by 6 points but I expect that Paladino’s big noisy bazoo will sink his candidacy. He’s too obnoxious for New York and that’s obnoxious. He’s even too angry for 2010 and that’s too angry.
Paladino first appeared on my radar screen whenTPM flagged him for sending porn emails to people who weren’t interested in nuns copulating with donkeys and shit like that. In an ordinary year, that one misstep would have been enough to castrate this dickhead’s candidacy. This, however, is the year of the crazy when the crazy is spreading like a virus at a daycare center. It’s malakatude pure and simple. That’s *my* catchphrase for 2010.
Paladino won the Gooper Goober nomination in the Empire State based on Islamophobia and a fat wallet. One issue he *has* played craftily is stoking the traditional resentment of Upstate New Yorkers against the big bad evil city. Paladino is a Buffalonian and apparently owns half the town. I’m not sure if he runs any wing joints but I’ll get back to you when I hear…
Paladino, of course, was all over the “Ground Zero mosque” story like David Vitter on a hooker. He was able to out hate Rick Lazio and ended up the hero of teabaggers who only give a shit about that small bit of Manhattan. I keep waiting for one of these bozos to demand that all nearby bars and peep shows be closed because it’s sacred ground. Given what we know about Mr. Paladino’s libido, he’s unlikely to lead that charge…
Paladino hit the headlines again the other day when he made up a story about Andrew Cuomo’s alleged skirt chasing while married. He figured it was fair game to lie because everyone was talking about his love child. What is it with Noo Yawk Republicans? First, Vito Fosetta and now my pal, Paladino. Keep your pants zipped, dude, which, of course, rhymes with malakatude. Paladino exudes malakatude. Okay, I gotta stop this. I could do this all day and I have anEd Balls joke coming up so it’s time to circle back to the love child:
Expected the Supremes, didn’t you? Holy Buddokan, Batman.
The same day Paladino was called on his whopper, he threatened to open a can of whoop-ass on a reporter from the New York Post who was singing the *other*Love Child at him. (Not really but that would be something.) Malaka Carl was quoted as saying “I’ll take you out, buddy.” As much as I dislike the Murdoch press, the Post is not known for attacking Republicans, so I believe the aptly named Fred Dicker’s story. Dicker meet Dickhead:
This current group of wingnut malakas are fond of threatening violence if they don’t get their way even after holding their breath til they turn blue. They *almost* make Newt’s crew look sane, the key word is almost. The class of ’94 wingnuts tried to keep the crazy under wraps for awhile at least. This time, the Paladinos and Angles are as Ed Balls would surely say: “barking mad and fucking barmy.” (That was for you, triple-J.)
New York has had a long run of distinguished governors of both parties: Charles Evans Hughes, Al Smith, FDR, Herbert Lehman, Tom Dewey, Rocky, and Mario the great. I remain sad that Mario Cuomo never ran for President but if you don’t have the fire in the belly you shouldn’t run. It’s hard to imagine Carl Paladino in their company and now that Andrew has unsheathed his knife, I’m confident that he’ll be the next Governor. I think he’ll be a good one too. Andrew Cuomo can be a dick but never a malaka. Carl Paladino is all the of above and more. In fact, he’s the malaka’s malaka.
Okay, New York voters, send this palooka back to palookavile.