If Only Detroit Was Too Big to Fail

Or could get a job or something:

On Sunday, Orr and Snyder said that they empathize with the fears of retirees but added that the city had ignored its problems for too long and that now there is no choice but to limit pension payments.

“You get honest about it to start with,” Snyder said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.” “. . .In many cases for the last 60 years, people have ignored the realities of the situation. We’re being real now.”

Detroit Mayor Dave Bing said on ABC’s “This Week With George Stephanopoulos” that one option not on the table is a federal bailout. “I think it’s very difficult right now to ask directly for support,” he said.

Well yeah. It is difficult to ask directly for support. It’s not like you’re a financial institution, after all.

It’s not like you spent the past 15 years putting the entire national economy on red in Vegas.

It’s not like you bet against your own customers and then sold them out without telling them.

It’s not like you took your federal bailouts and then backed a greedy fuck in the next election whose campaign did nothing but bash the entire CONCEPT of federal government.

It’s not like you reacted to the slightest attempt to regulate your business like someone who just watched his puppy gunned down in the street, and then demanded the rest of the world treat your feelings like a national emergency.

If you were one of those guys, hey, no problem. The free money pile is that way. Here’s a wheelbarrow. May we push it for you? Wouldn’t want you to strain your back.

Now come vulturous fucks Kevyn Orr and Rick Snyder to tell other people it’s time to get “real,” because apparently losing your house and a retirement income YOU WERE PROMISED and facing the possibility of living in your car as a reward for working your whole life for the public isn’t “real.”

Now come Kevyn Orr and Rick Snyder, scraping their beaks on the bones of the wounded, to explain how they have no choice but to take everything away from people who have nothing, because sometime in the past somebody had the stupid idea that we should take responsibility for the people who take responsibility for us.

Kevyn Orr, by the way, is getting paid $275,000 to tell people who made $35,000 a year their whole lives to get real. Just in case your irony meter wasn’t already buried in the red zone. The public has no choice but to pay him, I assume, the same way it has no choice but to act like people who retired because they had every expectation of being able to retire because they had done literally everything in their lives right at this point are the anchor dragging Detroit down.

If only they’d crashed the entire trading floor, left the housing market in ruins, and bitched to the WSJ’s editorial board about how mean everybody was. Then they could belly up to the federal bar and order a double of whatever the banks are having.


4 thoughts on “If Only Detroit Was Too Big to Fail

  1. “Promised” retirement income, my sweet Aunt Fanny! That pension is a contractual obligation, collectively bargained for and signed by both parties, after due consultation with the legal professionals of their choice. Municipal workers gave up Social Security and Medicare eligibility in exchange for pension and health benefits, usually offset by lower wages as public sector employees. The carrot for that lower-wage stick was union security and a civil service system that insulates public employees from the political vagaries of shifting administrations.
    But if this is the new normal, the new “real” if you will, let’s get after it in earnest. I can’t make my mortgage payments anymore because I lost my job or my pension. I guess the mortgage company just needs to get real about seeing any more money out of me, and don’t you dare touch my house, because it’s mine!
    Or doesn’t that shoe fit on the other foot?

  2. I guess the mortgage company just needs to get real about seeing any more money out of me
    THIS. I mean, what enrages me so much about this stuff is that these are the people who played by the rules. They DID save for retirement, in the form of accepting deferred compensation. They worked for the city when they probably could have made more money elsewhere. They got up every day and did a job, and through no fault of their own, they’re about to lose everything. And when they dare speak up the collective response is a shrug of “well, you should have gotten luckier.” WHAT THE FUCK?

  3. I dunno, maybe Detroit could change its name to…Halliburton. Then the government couldn’t throw enough money at them.

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