AHS Freak Show Thread: Introducing Droogie Howser

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Better late than never seems to be my Freak Show recapping motto. I was away from the computer for a few days so I thought I’d wait until Monday, Monday, can’t touch that day. It’s essentially my own form of Magical Thinking, which is the episode title. Anyone buying this?

I got a real kick out of seeing Neil Patrick Harris playing sick, twisted, totally bonkers veteran Chester Creb in this episode. On my second watch, I realized that he was now Droogie, not Doogie Howser. I’ll leave the whole Barney thing out of it because I only watched that show a few times. I always thought that was a weird name for a playa because past fictional Barneys have all been dweeby. Perhaps that was the point. They gave him the deservedly extinct name Chester, after all. I’ve only met one Chester in my life and he was a pretty nice guy with a white boy fro. But we was a Lone Chester. Just had to get that off my chester…

Since I’m late, I thought I’d do another one of my listicle things, but I’ll do it after the break.

The Six Things I Learned From Magical Thinking:

1) Con Men Are Liars: Stanley and his cheesy mustache took Jimmy the Darling Lobster Boy for a ride. He promised Jimmy that, in exchange for selling one of his lobstery claws, he’d hire the best lawyer available. The non-existent son of Clarence Darrow, in fact. He got taken. There’s no mouthpiece for Jimmy and he’s left with no claws. In short, he was Lobster Boy rolled.

2) Freaks Are Good At Jail Breaks: Del the Toledo Strong Man teamed up with Amazon Eve to liberate the Lobster Boy when he was being transported back to the slammer from the hospital. It’s a damn good thing since Jimmy was gonna get meeped by the coppers. It was part of Del’s ongoing effort to redeem himself for all the terrible things he’s done. Of course, he killed 2 cops in the process. Del has a steep learning curve, y’all.

3) Confession May Be Good For The Soul But It Got Del Killed: A guilt ridden (I originally typed riddled, I may like that better)  Strong Man admitted to smothering Ma Petite like a wee pork chop. He thought he was only speaking to Desi Triple Tits but Elsa was there, and she blew his bald head off. My countryman, Michael Chiklis, is now off the show. It was actually easier being Vic Mackey. He lived at the end of The Shield.

4) The Whole Evil Ventriloquist’s Dummy Thing Is Immortal: Majorie is a nasty piece of work, y’all; much worse than the evil dummies in Dead Of Night or Magic. That does put Neil Patrick Howser in some rarefied company: those tormented ventriloquists were played by Michael Redgrave and Anthony Hopkins.

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Yeah, I know, Redgrave’s picture is bigger. But he was the first one to do the mad ventriloquist who blames their dummy for their crimes shtick. Hmm, shtick sounds like stick, which are typically made of wood as are dummies. Just ask Droogie and Marjorie:

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I’ve never seen any of the Chucky movies out of fear that they’d make me upchucky, but Marjorie is also a homicidal doll. If only the Band, with or without the Staples Singers, had been there to say, “Hey wait a minute, Chester, you know I’m a peaceful man” those ladies might not have been hacked to bits by that bloody dummy:

5) It Takes A Sicko To Know A Sicko: Dandy learned about Chester’s crime from a private eye he hired to spy on the Tattler Sisters. The Tattlers chose Droogie to deflower them and the shamus saw it all. Hubba, hubba. Make that double hubba, hubba. It took some doing because of the steel plate in Chester’s head, but he did the deed with the help of Marjorie the homicidal dummy. Not sure what her role was, but she was somewhere in the conjoined scrum.

6) It Will Be A Miracle If The Tattlers Survive: Either Dandy or Droogie/Marjorie are going to kill them. They should run off with Elsa to California. It’s only way they’re going to make it.

This was *supposed* to be a short post but it didn’t end up that way, did it? The good news is that there are only two more episodes left so I can move on and be long winded about something else.

Time for another version of The Weight, it’s the unstapled Band at Woodstock.  If Dandy or Droogie had been at Woodstock they would have surely dropped the brown acid. Pity that neither of them is a time traveler. If I get the gig as the 13th Doctor maybe I could help them mount the brown acid defense. Probably not a good idea:

It just occurred to me that some of my readers may not be up on their Clockwork Orange lore and therefore not know what a droog is. These are DROOGS, motherfugus:

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