Being a Girl Scout Prepared Me for the Coming Apocalypse, Too

Scott Walker and the Not Quite Ready for Primetime Players Theater Present: The Male Palin! 

According to the video, the final question Hewitt asked Walker was, “Does the prospect of being commander in chief daunt you? Because the world that you describe when you’re talking about safety is going to require a commitment to American men and women abroad, obviously at some point. How do you think about that?”

Walker first acknowledged, “That’s an appropriate question.”

“As a kid, I was in Scouts. And one of the things I’m proudest of when I was in Scouts is I earned the rank of Eagle,” Walker said. “Being an Eagle Scout is one of the few things you get as a kid that, you are not the past, it’s something you are.”

The governor said whenever he attends an Eagle Scout ceremony, he tells the young man being honored that he’s not there to congratulate him, but to issue a charge — that once a Scout obtains the Eagle ranking, he is responsible for living up to that calling for the rest of his life.

He then drew from his Eagle Scout experience discussing his military philosophy.

“America is an exceptional country,” Walker said. “And I think, unfortunately, sometimes there are many in Washington who think those of us who believe we are exceptional means we are superior, that we’re better than others in the world.

“And to me, much like my thought process of being an Eagle Scout is, no, being an exceptional country means we have a higher responsibility … not just to care for ourselves and our own interests, but to lead in the world, to ensure that all freedom-loving people have the capacity, who yearn for that freedom, to have that freedom.”

Speaking to his military strategy, Walker said the U.S. needs to engage in military action when appropriate, but that it must be done with “a plan and a charge that ultimately leads to victory.”

Got that? We shouldn’t engage in military action without a plan. That’s his big thinking.

Scott, Dwight Eisenhower called. He said he and Genghis Khan were shooting the shit the other night over drinks at Grant’s place, and they all agreed you should fuck yourself.

On the Eagle Scout thing, i’s like he realized midsentence he had just said what he said, and started pinwheeling his arms but he couldn’t stop. I don’t actually believe he thinks being an Eagle Scout qualifies him to be CIC. I think he was heading for a metaphor, got distracted by something shiny in the middle of the road, and got run over by the flaming cheese truck of his own stupid imagination.

Which is to say, of course, that anybody who can’t find a coherent sentence with a searchlight and a posse is staggeringly unqualified to be president. The biggest part of your damn job is talking sensibly about shit. It’s not like there’s the part where you talk and then the part where you fight tyrants bare-handed so it’s okay if you aren’t so good at the talking. The talking (thinking and writing included here) is fairly major. You say the wrong thing to Putin and the next thing you know we’re all looking at the world from Sarah Palin’s house.


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