Malaka Of The Week: Ted Nugent


It’s almost surreal that I haven’t placed the malakatude crown of thorns on a certain mouthy, has been rock star. He’s said much worse things, but his latest bit of verbal diarrhea verges on literal malakatude. And that is why Ted Nugent is malaka of the week.

I guess the Nuge was feeling lonely because he decided to weigh in on the Trump-Megyn Kelly feud:

Nugent said on the radio program Wednesday that he is a Trump fan because he believes in “bold, aggressive, unapologetic truth.”

“And I’m not a fan of Megyn Kelly, although I often turn on Fox just to look at her,” Nugent said. “Sometimes when I’m loading my magazines, I like to just look at her. And I usually sit naked on the couch dropping hot brass on my stuff.”

Sorry for searing that image on your memory. Clearly, there’s no such thing as TMI for this washed up wingnut rocker. If you take a closer look at the Scream Dream cover at the top of the post, you’ll finally understand the reason for the Nuge’s gun nuttery: he has penis envy. Not only should Malaka Ted put a sock in his mouth, he really ought to slide a sock into his loincloth. In a word: pitiful.

It’s not exactly shocking that Nugent likes Trump: they’re both fundamentally misogynist insult comedians who specialize in outrageous comments. Nugent, however, makes the Donald look like a piker. Here are a few of his greatest non-musical (not that the shit he plays is very musical) hits courtesy of the good people at Media Matters:

On Hillary Clinton: “You probably can’t use the term `toxic cunt’ in your magazine, but that’s what she is. Her very existence insults the spirit of individualism in this country. This bitch is nothing but a two-bit whore for Fidel Castro.” [Westword, 7/27/94]

On President Obama: First, in 2007, “Obama, he’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun.”

During a March 2013 appearance on 9-11 truther Pete Santilli’s radio show, Nugent compared Obama to a Nazi who kills his Jewish neighbors, stating the president is like “a German in 1938 pretending to respect the Jews and then going home and putting on his brown shirt and forcing his neighbors onto a train to be burned to death.”

He’s also called POTUS “a chimpanzee” and  “a sub-human mongrel.” And this from a guy who’s on the NRA’s board of directors. Obviously, that contract doesn’t contain a sanity clause:

It continually amazes me that *any* politician is willing to share the stage with this cretinous pig. I wish I could say that Nugent forces them to do so at gunpoint, but they like the reflected glory emanating from a misogynist, racist asshole who had a few hits back in the day. I think anyone who shares the stage with Malaka Nuge should be forced at guitar point to use the cover of Love Grenade as a backdrop. It’s so disgusting that I don’t want to post it here, but I’d like to point out that it was released in 2007. The Nuge seems to be getting grosser with age.

Back to Nugent’s icky comments about Megyn Kelly. Only a wingnut gun nut would watch Fox News naked while loading his gun or his, uh, love grenade launcher. I thought the NRA was all about gun safety and shit. That’s an image undermined by Nugent dropping bullets on his tiny junk whilst fantasizing about Megyn Kelly and caterwauling Cat Scratch Fever. And that is why Ted Nugent is malaka of the week.


3 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Ted Nugent

  1. The Love Grenade cover is not merely gross; it just doesn’t make any sense. Is it promoting abduction, bondage, rape, necrophilia, deli platters, or some combination thereof?

    Gross to say the least. Spinal Tap had Smell the Glove, but that was, of course, Spinal Tap. And they abandoned the cover concept when it was perceived as sexist (not sex-Y; sorry, Nigel). There’s a fine line between clever and stupid.

    Also, the Nuge is so uncoordinated that he can’t load magazines without dropping live rounds? He’s incompetent even as a gun enthusiast.

    1. I saw him as the middle bill at one of the ecelectic shows Bill Graham loved to stage. He sucked and showed signs of assholism even then.

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