Do portentous birds and beasts appeal to you? Why not try spreading some fortune cookies around in your backyard and pretend they are pearls of wisdom bequeathed by Quizzilneck the Engimatic Gopher? That way you’ll still have 59 hours free to rotate your tires, clean out the gutters and complete all the various other chores associated with responsible adulthood.
My favorite Facebook comment on this “takedown” — as the URL describes it — was, “Which Hobbit hurt you, dude?”
This Northwestern prof seems really loud about how he doesn’t like Game of Thrones, and okay. I don’t like country music. I don’t go over to forums devoted to country music and yell I HATE ALL YOUR TWANGY WHINY OOOH SHE LEFT ME I’M SO SAD HORSESHIT AND I’M SO MUCH COOLER THAN YOU! Like what is the point of talking about which pop culture thing you do not enjoy? Did someone ask him? Was it not possible to simply say, “Not my scene?”
Fans can be annoying. My reaction to people who haven’t read The Beekeeper’s Apprentice is to shove a copy into their hands and offer to take care of all their work for a few days so they can devour it whole. I am evangelical on the topic of Our Lord and Savior Lin-Manuel Miranda. I do judge you if you’re not watching The Magicians.
I have things I’m sick of being told to love, too. Like the Beatles. Arrested Development. And church.
But instead of owning that you feel a little sad and left out because everybody likes this thing you’re not into, you write for the LA Times that that thing sucks and is uncool? I don’t … what contribution to the conversation does that make beyond establishing you as a superior person not at all interested in clickbait?
Ugh. Moving on.
“I can’t go on like this,” you think.
Until you do.
Sansa Stark has been beaten, raped, tortured, abused. She watched her father beheaded by her fiancé and the nicest of her four boyfriends so far was fucking a hooker. The only person to be decent to her was a weaselly creep who wanted to screw her mother.
Her best decision was to jump off a building with Theon Greyjoy, so when he wanted her to wade into a frozen river, can you blame her for being just absolutely done?
She can’t go on like this.
Brienne vowed to protect Renly, and vowed to protect Catelyn, and watched all her promises turn to ashes. Brienne only wanted to be good and brave and was ridiculed for it at every turn. Brienne, whose every dream of chivalrous deeds and glorious battles was undone, over and over, found her only nobility in cutting Stannis Baratheon’s throat.
She can’t go on like this.
Danaerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, walks with her hands bound while two thick-necked meatwads talk about fucking her. Sold in marriage, widowed by treachery, betrayed by her friends, hunted by her enemies and abandoned by her dragon, she spits her name at her captor and he laughs in her face. Go to the old widows’ home, he tells her. Go there and rot.
Arya, blind and begging in the street. Cersei, mourning another child. Davos, his king dead, his faith destroyed. Ser Alliser Thorne, whose Watch is ending. Melisandre, whose red god lied and lied.
Jon Snow, bleeding on the ground while Ghost thrashes against the chains and howls in the night.
They can’t go on like this. Until they do.
Brienne saves Sansa, and falls at her feet, utterly empty of anything but momentum. She lays down her sword and, for the thousandth time, promises her life.
And Sansa saves her right back. Takes Brienne’s oath, and makes one of her own. Ties herself to the world and to another person for the first time in months, straightens her back, and lives.
Quick takes: FUCK SHIT NO JON SNOW IS NOT DEAD. I refuse. I quit. I do not believe it. We’ve spent months and years and pages and pages with him, you cannot tell me I have to give him up. And Ghost, whining and yowling now is all well and good, but do your damn job and bite some fuckers.
I feel so, so sorry for Thorne, because he’s 100 percent sincere, and it’s awful.
I want Dany’s dragon necklace.
I think with Dorne I have hit my limit of storylines and I just can’t bring myself to care that much. Indira Varma is a badass as Ellaria, though. I was hoping they hadn’t just brought her in to be Oberyn’s lover, that she’d have more to do.
Melisandre’s reveal. Not surprising, but I saw in her true face the echo of Beric Dondarrion, brought back to life over and over by Thoros of Myr. You want it to stop so badly, so that you can stop fighting, and you keep saying, “I can’t go on like this.”
And then you do.