Some people lost their shit yesterday over Team Trump’s Michigan Hail Mary pass. I did not. It’s another harebrained scheme from the mad mind of the artist formerly known as Mayor Combover. Rudy is in the saddle again, which means more meddling and “perfect phone calls” instigated by the Man Who Got Trump Impeached.
I missed Rudy’s meltdown press conference. When I read about it my chin hit the desk: there was talk of funding from “Hugo Chavez communists.” The Venezuelan dictator died in 2013. And that wasn’t even the craziest thing brought up by the Trump “legal” team. Oy, just oy.
Then there’s Rudy’s hair dye flop sweat. People tend to perspire heavily when they lie but I’ve never seen black hair dye roll down someone’s face before. Now we know why Rudy wants to be paid $20K a day. He wants to get a professional dye job and stop dyeing his own hair. Like President* Pennywise, Rudy is a vain and shallow motherfucker. Dude, you’re bald and 76 years old. Nobody thinks you have black hair anymore. What a maroon.
The Michigan gambit is a desperation move that’s doomed: it’s more of a Fail Mary than a Hail Mary pass. It will inevitably land in court where Team Trump will lose again. They’re something like 0-28 in post-election court cases. The move is really designed to blow smoke and create chaos and confusion. That’s why I call Rudy’s master, the Kaiser of Chaos.
Additionally, in the unlikely event this move worked they would need it to work in Pennsylvania as well as a third state. If Michigan and Pennsylvania fall the electoral vote count remains Biden 270 Trump 268. If one state could tip the balance of power, I’d be more concerned. But three states? Never gonna happen, my friend.
If you don’t believe me, here’s a Michigan-centric quote from a WaPo article by Philip Rucker, Amy Gardner, and Josh Dawsey:
The president’s allies have said that if the board deadlocks, the legislature could choose to ignore Biden’s popular-vote win and seat Trump electors. But experts say such a move would be on shaky legal ground. And multiple election lawyers have said that scenario is unlikely for several reasons. Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, a Democrat, has the power to fire members of the canvassing board and appoint interim replacements without legislative approval. And Democrats are highly likely to file suit in the event the board deadlocks, because state law directs the board to follow the popular vote in its decision to certify.
“I can’t tell you all the different actions [Republicans] are contemplating, but I implore people to put country over party and do the will of the people — respect the law, and see through that the will of the people is reflected in our electors and not play games with this fundamental part of our democracy,” Whitmer said at a news conference Thursday.
“Nobody thinks you have black hair anymore.” At least the old ladies with red hair aren’t pretending. Or my caregiver with blue hair.
The best part of their recent missteps is confusing Detroit Lakes, MN where I used to live (pop. 7000 when the combiners are in) with Detroit.🤣