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Subpoena Season

I’m a decent speller but I was never a spelling bee wiz. One of the words I cannot spell without checking is subpoena. The correct spelling never looks right to me but what do I know? I know enough to run a spell check. I am not, however, not a fan of the iPhone auto-correct. I’m convinced it’s a Teutonic trick, which is why I call it Otto von Correct and click my heels when typing it. Click.

Presumably, you know what that rambling and discursive opener means: it’s a potpourri post. I guess you could tell that by the shadowy featured image from Sam Fuller’s Underworld USA. I try to avoid dark alleys. Nothing good ever happened in a dark alley, attic, or basement.

The Dipshit Insurrection Committee is floating a trial balloon about subpoenaing Princess Ivanka. It’s unclear if it’s the beautiful balloon cited in this song:

The 1/6 Committee should go for it just to make the Kaiser of Chaos scream. He’s been screaming a lot lately. He’s butthurt over being dumped by his accounting firm, Mazars. They seem to be cooperating with the New York AG’s office. Heh, heh, heh.

The Impeached Insult Comedian and the My Pillow Guy should form a dumped rich dudes support group. Lindell was dumped by his Minnesota based bank. It must make him feel like William H. Macy’s schlemiel character in Fargo. I wanted to post a Marge GIF, but they all use the wrong word for yes. The correct quote is: Ja, you betcha. It’s called Minnesota Swedish for a reason.

I planned to do a segment called Fly, GOP Airline but Michael F beat me to the punch. I cannot top King Cruz so I won’t try, but I have a hot take. Ted Cruz and the no-fly 8 can go fuck themselves. The only surprise was that John Neely Kennedy was not among the signatories. I guess he was in the Green Room at Fox News at the time. That’s why they call him Senator Soundbite.

And now for an REM song with a line about soundbite gluttons:

In other subpoena season-related news, lawyers for Oath Keepers fuhrer Stewart Rhodes made a chain restaurant-related claim in a court filing. I am not making this up. They claim that none of the group stormed the Capitol because then President* Pennywise didn’t invoke the Insurrection Act. Instead, they went to the Olive Garden and gorged on free breadsticks. Does that mean that Rhodes walks softly and carries a big breadstick?

Did you know there was a song about Olive Garden breadsticks? I did not. You learn something new every day:

A follow-up on the Sarah Palin post. The jury agreed with the judge and found for the Gray Lady. Slate’s Seth Stevenson noted a sinister spectator taking notes in the courtroom:

Charles Harder was the lead attorney when Hulk Hogan sued Gawker out of existence. And Harder watched every minute of the testimony in this trial, taking copious notes on a legal pad. He wasn’t working with Palin’s legal team (though he’d worked with them before, in that Gawker case). He was just watching.

<SNIP>

Then I asked Harder one last thing: Why exactly was he here? He was taking all those notes—was it for an article he’s writing, or a book? No, he said, “I’m just here to observe and learn.”

That was the most chilling thing I heard in that courtroom. What exactly did he learn from Sarah Palin’s (so far) failed effort to sink the Times? How exactly is he planning to apply those lessons? My fear is that, before long, we’ll all find out.

You know what they say: the harder they come, the harder they fall.

Stay tuned.

Finally, I rarely respond to the media types I follow on Twitter. I made an exception in this case.

I’d like to thank David Corn for giving me a pretext to post one of my favorite rock-n-roll songs. The last word goes to Mott The Hoople featuring the honking sax of Andy Mackay: