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Malaka Of The Week: Royce White

Minnesota Senate candidate Royce White is the 2024 poster dude for the convergence of the far left and MAGA right. And that is why Royce White is malaka of the week. One could even call him the Minnesota Malaka. So much for Minnesota nice.

Royce White first came to political attention during the Black Lives Matter protests in Minneapolis after the murder of George Floyd. For some reason, I’ve seen him described as a basketball star. He was not. He was a decent college player at Iowa State, then played 3 games in the NBA followed by a stint as one of the most obscure players in the Big 3 league. If that’s a basketball star, I’m Julius Fucking Erving:

Royce White’s migration from the far to left to far right was as rapid as that Dr. J dunk. In only 2 years, Royce White went from BLM man to Bannon-Jones man. That’s Jones as in Alex Jones on whose show Royce White is a frequent guest as he is on future federal inmate Steve Bannon’s podcast.

In the featured image, someone has written “Alex Jones was right” on Royce White’s head. Right about what? The Newtown Massacre? The Minnesota malakatude, it burns.

In 2022, Royce White ran for the House as a Republican but lost. His taste for politics was unslaked by defeat, he has the endorsement of the Minnesota GOP to run against Amy Klobuchar for the Senate but still has a primary to win. He’s favored because MAGA Republicans love conspiracy theories and, as you can tell by the company he keeps, Royce White never met a conspiracy theory he didn’t swallow whole. And he spreads the malakatude on a podcast called, Please Call Me Crazy. I am not making this up. Projection thy acronym is MAGA.

I originally planned to quote Royce White’s rantings but they’re so incoherent that I’ll take a different approach. To illustrate which MAGA boxes Royce White clicks, I’ll use bullet points and end notes.

  • Anti-Semitism: He’s called Jews puppet masters seeking world control. Slate, 5/23/2024.
  • 9/11 Trutherism: While conceding that planes hit the Twin Towers, he denies that a plane hit the Pentagon. Media Matters For America, 6/21/24.
  • Homophobia: Royce White loves to say faggot. If he doesn’t like your views, you’re a cuck or a fag. Media Matters For America, 5/20/24.
  • Misogyny: Royce White thinks women have gotten too mouthy and no longer know their place. He also compared himself to Malcolm X in an interview with the NYT’s Michelle Goldberg. New York Times, 5/24/24.

Well, at least he doesn’t hate Black people.

I could go on and on but I’ll leave that to Royce White. I feel like I need a delousing after bathing in his rhetoric.

There’s another MAGA box Royce White clicks. He’s a grifter:

“After a failed run for Congress in Minnesota two years ago, Royce White’s fading campaign spent more than $1,200 in leftover funds at a full-nude strip club in Miami and more than $4,000 on limousine services in Florida and Georgia. That wasn’t all the Republican’s campaign spent after he lost an early August primary election for Minnesota’s Fifth District. White’s campaign shelled out thousands more at high-end hotels in Tennessee and Georgia, and $970 at a Wisconsin Dells resort, according to his public federal campaign finance records. Throughout 2022, White’s campaign spent more than $100,000 on unexplained wire transfers and checks, his reports show. The campaign spent thousands of dollars at a Best Buy in Texas and more than $3,000 at local Guitar Center stores, among dozens of other transactions in several states at restaurants, retailers and hotels.”

Unexplained wire transfers are never a good thing. Neither is spending campaign money at Bada Bing South.

That sort of grifting has led to endorsements by the Convicted Insult Comedian and Royce White’s mentor, Steve Bannon. How can Bannon wear 7 layers of clothing in a Washington summer? Should I call him the Human Burrito? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Royce White is a trainwreck who should seek help instead of running for office. And that is why Royce White is malaka of the week.

If you take the title of Royce White’s podcast literally, he wants to be called crazy. I’m not giving this motherfucker that satisfaction. Instead, I’ll call him insane. The last word goes to Lindsey Buckingham: