Christmas Gift Rage

Like Erin, I’m about done with this crap:

Matt introduced the segment by saying something about how hard it is to shop for the men in your life because the things they want are so complicated and high-tech and what’s a girl to do when she goes to one of those big, scary electronics stores where everything is blinking and shiny but none of it’s a diamond tennis bracelet? I shit you not, the tone of the segment was like WOMEN DON’T KNOW JACK ABOUT ELECTRONICS SO DON’T FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY LET THEM GO TO A DAMN CIRCUIT CITY ALONE. They actually went to a Circuit City or a Best Buy and they careened the camera around, making it seem all confusing and addled and overwhelming. And then they found the three DUMBEST women in the store and asked them how they SURVIVE the holiday gift-giving season when they’re clearly too fucking retarded to figure out what a goddamn plasma TV is.

And can we please declare a moratorium on jewelry advertisements that make it seem like you need to bribe your wife with sparklies to get her to sleep with you? Because there are words for that but none of them are “galleria of jewelry.”


10 thoughts on “Christmas Gift Rage

  1. I’m the one in my family who lusts after the newest electronic gadgetry. My husband’s happy with just his computer, and I’m the one who’s always pointing stuff out and saying, “Don’t you think we NEED this?”

  2. Don’t you wimimm folks worry your pretty little heads about this electronics stuff. Let us manly men who are not going to Iraq figger it all out for ya.
    Condescending jerks.
    Oh and on the other foot. “Hi I’m a stupid man who can’t figure out how to clean clothes! Please mock me for humorous effect in your ads.”
    I can cook. Excellent meals with vegetables!
    I can sew. Mend, hem, and buttons.
    I can buy produce that is fresh.
    I can care for children with out having a “daddy-cam” watching me to ensure they aren’t dead at the end of the night.
    I know how to wash clothes, clean kitchens and put my socks in the laundry when they are dirty.
    It’s not like I’m being asked to cut into a human’s brain and remove a tumor. These are all skills that a man in this century should have.
    I still remember one of my room mates talking about how he didn’t want to bother to learn to feed himself by cooking a simple meal because by the time he learns, “I’ll be married and my wife will do all the cooking for me!”
    (Said roommate was really a sweet guy though. I’m pretty sure he found his perfect helpmate to take care of him he was never a jerk about it, just didn’t think he would need to know.)
    That Roommate did introduce me to “bachelor salad” You take a head of iceberg lettuce quarter it and then take one quarter in your hand and while standing over the sink, pour your Italian dressing over it and then consume. No dishes to clean!

  3. Honestly, if I hear “He went to Jared!” or “Every kiss begins with Kay” one more time, I’m gonna hurl.
    Last night I saw the absolute worst, though. The whole ad was this woman doing a voice-over about how “we agreed not to exchange gifts this year, which really means he bought this necklace and hid it in his sock drawer, knowing that I’d take it for a test drive…” blah blah blah.
    No wonder so many marriages end in divorce! What kind of fucked up message is that? “I love my husband, but we lie to each other *constantly*, so now we just assume everything is a lie…” Yech.
    And this has nothing whatsoever to do with the commercialization of Christmas, and everything to do with the commercialization of love. This happens year-round–all those anniversary diamond ads, the Valentine’s Day stuff, Mother’s Day, it goes on and on.
    Don’t these people know their Tolkein? JEWELRY IS EVIL!!!!

  4. I will admit I’m a moron when I walk into a jewelry store, but I usually pick up something my wife likes, so …

  5. Somehow I managed, with my poor little XX chromosomes, to buy 2 mp3 players (each with different specs!), a portable DVD player and a regular DVD player all in the course of last weekend to replace things that were stolen in a break-in last week – my husband hates bargain hunting so he left it to me.
    Of course, we bought a tandem road bike instead of an engagement ring, so I don’t think we’re the target audience for either the jewelry or the electronics ads anyway.
    But I do think it would be great if someone with the time and graphics know-how would make up some “sponsored by DeBeers” stickers and plaster them over every Blood Diamond movie poster… If there was ever a corporation run by Satan himself, that’s it.

  6. They have to make you think nobody will have sex with you or love if you don’t give them jewelry because if they don’t a lot fewer people will buy jewelry. It’s hard unloading inherently worthless crap in an age were theres plenty of worthless crap that actually does shit. Why buy a diamond when I can buy a plasma TV? Because nobody gives blow jobs in exchange for plasma Tv’s of Course!
    The sad fact is that most people buy into it. Most men give jewelry because they think they have ot in order to have sex, and women are raised to believe that if people don’t pay you to have sex they don’t love you. And you wonder why we live in a culture so laden with misogyny and resentment. Gotta love that christmas spirit

  7. jared’s ads are awful. most of the jewelry shown in ads these days are so designless. i have gems and do i wear them? no, because i love my plain silver and such better because i actually USE MY HANDS. and the best ring i have i found at an estate sale. vintage mexican woven ring 1/2 price for $2. diamonds? please.
    sigh.never wear a ring from my sweetie now.
    diamonds just mean you are stupid.
    although colored ones are nice. go australian. only argyle!

  8. My Gawd. My husband flies big air planes for a living yet cannot run the fucking remote. I do all the electronic repairs, purchases, and computer futzery in this place. He won’t touch anything with a cord.
    All I hear when he sits down at anything electric is “Honey!!!!! _____ is being a shit and it won’t do what I want”. sigh.
    No wonder he lets me buy whatever jewelry and loose stones I want. I get the best of both worlds, sparkely stuff and electronics.

  9. Christmas Gift Rage?
    Oh, hell no. I’m still on the complete aneurysm about “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
    Look, people.
    There is real live decent Christmas music out there. This fake jollity, this cynical degradation, this commercialized sly ugliness … enough already.
    Here’s what you do: listen to A Chanticleer Christmas at
    Turn the TV off.
    Feel better.

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