Our family knows many same-sex couples – our neighbors in Connecticut,
members of my staff, parents of their schoolmates. Some are now married
because the Connecticut Supreme Court and our state legislature have
made same-sex marriage legal in our state.
But to my daughters, these couples are married simply because they
love each other and want to build a life together. That’s what we’ve
taught them. The things that make those families different from their
own pale in comparison to the commitments that bind those couples
together.
And, really, that’s what marriage should be. It’s about rights and responsibilities and, most of all, love.
Seriously, though, he says something here I think will resonate with a lot of people his age and even my age:
And as many other Americans have realized as they’ve struggled to
reconcile the principle of fairness with the lessons they learned early
in life, that’s not an easy thing to overcome.
But the fact that I was raised a certain way just isn’t a good enough reason to stand in the way of fairness anymore.
Because I wasn’t so much raised to believe that marriage was between a man and a woman — we weren’t so much homophobic in my family as we were untalkative — as that I simply never had to confront the question. As a middle-class straight chick with middle-class straight friends (at least, friends who presented to me and the rest of the Catholic-school-going world as straight) it simply never came up. I feel bad about that now, wondering whose issues I simply ignored because I didn’t know any better, but I don’t think that’s unusual, about anything, really. Not a lot of people consider the lives of others unlike them unless forced to, unless the reality of injustice to someone else is put in their path and they can’t avoid it anymore.
The question then becomes, of course: Knowing, what did you do? Did you shut your eyes and talk about The Lord not liking all the boykissing, or did you look at what was in front of you and take it upon yourself to figure out what was your upbringing and what was your basic humanity? Where did the things you believed smash up against each other, and where did you have to choose: Fairness for all before the law, or the comfort of disdaining the stranger? Having to choose, what choice did you make? Having made a choice, did you speak up about it or did you keep quiet?
And while it will seem crazy to Dodd’s daughters that we questioned this at all, this is how we change, one decision at a time, one choice at a time, one statement at a time.
A.
I’m going to my 26th high school class reunion this weekend, with my two best friends – neither of whom, at age 44, can yet bring their longtime partners/spouses home to their families.
It’s so sad because I love both of their parents, but neither set can see their gay, committed sons as equal to their married non-gay children. Maybe it has something to do with living in a small, southern town with friends, neighbors and business clients who refuse to accept teh gay, but that doesn’t make it any less soul-devouring. If B. and G. allow me to, I’ll be singing their partner’s praises to their respective parents, and hoping it makes some small crack in their disapproval/avoidance, and letting them know that outside their families, there is already acceptance and love for these guys and the wonderful men they have chosen.
Beautiful post, Athenae. A lovely sentiment wonderfully written.
Substitute “dude” for “chick” and that’s a good summary for me too. It’s nice when someone else thinks everything through for you. 🙂
Again, well done.
i know many of these people are old fashioned, but love is love.at a busy estate sale/artsale, saw a older white+ black male couple, holding hands.. i bet they had been together decades. not icky, sweet. we should support them, not deny them.
Hope one day ,we can see another super basketball star have been created,we can recall our memory about Michael Jordan’s experience,all of us can live in airjordancity.We can gather there,make our dream come true ,cheers!