Malaka Of The Week: Alex Jones

LikeDim Jim Infofe before him, I’m surprised that I haven’t selected Info Wars conspiracy tool Alex Jones as malaka of the week before. He’s clearly overqualified for the post. He’s found guvmint agents under every bed and claimed that they’re responsible for everything from 9/11 to the Sandy Hook shootings to the Boston Marathon bombing to name but a few. This time, however, Jones has gone so way OTT that the malakatude crown of thorns is his at last. Btw, Alex nobody told me to do it, not even the Marxist/Kenyan Mau Mau/Nazi/Dictator/Weakling who is the current occupant of the White House.

Alex Jones is now claiming that big,eebil guvmint can cause tornadic activity such as the twister that hit Moore, Oklahoma earler this week:

On the May 21 edition ofThe Alex Jones Show, a caller asked
Jones whether he was planning to cover how government technology may be
behind a recent spate of sinkholes. After laying out how insurance
companies use weather modification to avoid having to pay ski resorts
for lack of snow, Jones said that “of course there’s weather weapon
stuff going on — we had floods in Texas like fifteen years ago, killed
thirty-something people in one night. Turned out it was the Air Force.”

Following a long tangent, Jones returned to the caller’s subject.
While he explained that “natural tornadoes” do exist and that he’s not
sure if a government “weather weapon” was involved in the Oklahoma
disaster, Jones warned nonetheless that the government “can create and
steer groups of tornadoes.”

According to Jones, this possibility hinges on whether people spotted
helicopters and small aircraft “in and around the clouds, spraying and
doing things.” He added, “if you saw that, you better bet your bottom
dollar they did this, but who knows if they did. You know, that’s the
thing, we don’t know.”

I assume the helicopters were black ones, right, Alex? It amazing that he’s able to broadcast without interference from his tin foil hat. I guess the voices in his head keep the channels clear or some such shit or the antennae in his molars have magical power or other unknown unknowns as opposed to known unknowns. Damn, I’m wearing myself out with this conspiracy buff double talk.

Now that I’ve mocked him for being mentally ill-which he is but I wouldn’t do it if he were harmless-let’s turn to his “science lesson.” Jones uses the classic weasel words that conspiracy buffs have always trotted out: maybe, but, what if, who knows if they did that and on and on and on. He’s playing on the paranoia and scientific illiteracy of his ilk, which is an icky ilk if ever an ilk an ilk there was. End of Yip Harburg paraphrase.

Alex Jones is one of those malakas who believe that if you throw enough shit or other bodily fluid up against the wall, some of it will stick. Splat. He reminds me of one of the male chimps at the San Francisco Zoo when I was a kid. The chimp was a chronic public masturbator who spilled his seed into a burlap sack. He would then fling the inseminated sack at the crowd watching him, and howl with demented amusement. That’s Alex Jones, he’s a chronic public wanker who gets his kicks on provoking chimplike howls from his enemies who are legion and are all out to get him. I guess I am now one of them. Cool. Now where the hell is my guvmint check? I’ll pass on the helicopter, I have decapitation fantasies…

I’m exhausted after all the twisted language and I’m a bit afraid that I might have something diagnosed by Dr. RD Davies many years ago: