Apologies for not getting this up Sunday night. We moved house Saturday and then I worked all day Sunday and got home very, very late and didn’t have it in me to do more than crash on the mattress which is on the floor right now because our bed is in pieces in the garage.

Spoilers.

Quick takes: Dany, like all of us, is turned on by a man who’s nice to the pets. I love how ugly the dragons are. Brush and floss, Drogon, especially after eating 67 Lannisters. They’re sticky.

Gilly trying to explain a fan theory (that Rhaegar and Lyanna were secretly married, making Jon Snow the legit ruler of the Seven Kingdoms) while Sam bitches about his workday is a conversation I have had too many times to count.

This remake of the Magnificent Seven starring all of my favorites next week beyond the Wall is going to kill me. The Hound and Beric Dondarrion have always been very real people to me. 

“Can I dwell on what I scarce remember? I held a castle on the Marches once, and there was a woman I was pledged to marry, but I could not find that castle today, nor tell you the color of that woman’s hair. Who knighted me, old friend? What were my favorite foods? It all fades. Sometimes I think I was born on the bloody grass in that grove of ash, with the taste of fire in my mouth and a hole in my chest. Are you my mother, Thoros?”

We’re gonna talk about that a lot next week.

DYING at Jaime’s interruption of Tyrion’s plea for an Emmy pity all “the fuck do you need already?” That’s how I’ve felt about him for years.

I’m sorry, did Tyrion think the Blackwater smelled any better than the fields of dragon ash, the day after he ordered a billion Baratheons (and Seaworths, let’s not forget, thank you Davos) burned alive on the water as they approached Kings Landing? You know, the incident on which his entire reputation as some kind of unsung strategic genius is based? He’s now realizing what, dragons are dangerous and nasty? They seemed pretty cool when he fell at Dany’s feet to proclaim his eternal loyalty 30 seconds ago.

His carping at Dany when she burned the loathsome Tarlys alive was similarly annoying. The fanbase beat up on Sansa for weeks for suggesting in front of Jon that he maybe not be a moron, but when Tyrion tells Dany she should spare those human cockroaches everyone jumps to his defense.

Tyrion’s been on my last nerve since the second to last book, which was about 800 pages of him whining and stumbling around. I get that he has gotten a shit deal in life. Show me someone in Westeros who hasn’t, though, and none of them seem to expect the sympathy of the entire world the way his character does.

I am going to get it on a T-shirt: SHUT UP TYRION.

Can we skip to the part where Brienne beheads Littlefinger?

Speaking of Sansa, I spent a lot of this episode wanting to rip on her for not putting down her letters and all her stuff and taking Arya by the shoulders and being like, “Let me put your mind at ease, I don’t wear Mom’s clothes for fun and these old guys are idiots” but then I remembered she has no ability to trust anyone, and she knows nothing about what Arya’s suffered.

And Arya? God, you go home and you want everybody to be exactly who they are when you left. They want you to be the same too. Time’s supposed to stop when you lose sight of each other, and somewhere inside you is the wild little girl who hates her shallow big sister for being pretty and admired. Arya wants Sansa to be that sister so badly, so she can be that little girl. She’s gone through hell, too, and watches for Death swift as a deer and quiet as a shadow. She stands on tiptoe and listens to the wind.

A.