Son Of Locker Room Talk: Trump’s Bravado Defense

Donny and Rudy looking embalmed.

When I said that I was sick and tired of writing about that sick and tiresome bastard Donald Trump, I meant it. I  feel like Michael Corleone in Godfather III:

I swore to focus my attention on Defendant Trump and not his daily nonsense. That’s what I’m doing today.

The Indicted Impeached Insult Comedian trotted out a new preposterous defense to the damning New Jersey recording this week:

“I would say it was bravado, if you want to know the truth. It was bravado,” he told Semafor and ABC News aboard his plane. “I was talking and just holding up papers and talking about them, but I had no documents,” he added. Asked about his earlier reference to “plans” in the papers, Trump insisted he was talking about other materials.

As part of the same on-the-record exchange, the former president went on to say, “Did I use the word plans? What I’m referring to is magazines, newspapers, plans of buildings. I had plans of buildings. You know, building plans? I had plans of a golf course.”

He’s the oldest teenage boy ever. He’s trying to impress some chicks with how cool he is because he travels around with classified documents. That’s fucking weird, not cool.

We’ve all heard this line:

But never this:

During the London Blitz, they called balloons like the one above barrage balloons. That really works for the Bravado Defense: It’s a barrage of bluster and bullshit. It’s what the Kaiser of Chaos does best.

To use a golf expression, the Bravado Defense is a bogey, which is bad thing and not to be confused with Bogie. Bogie was a birdie. I should bid bye bye to this line of inquiry. It’s for the birds.

The Bravado Defense evokes memories of Rudy Giuliani’s “locker room talk” defense to the “grab ’em by the pussy” recording that should have torpedoed Trump’s 2016 campaign.

Rudy started it but Pennywise was all over it like a cheap suit much to Hillary’s vexation:

The way both Donny from Queens and Rudy pronounce locker rhymes with malaka. The malakatude, it burns.

I found this old Tweet in the course of my research:

I try not to be terrible. I also never do the sweater and tie look sported by Michael Corleone in the Godfather III GIF. Michael should have asked fellow fictional gangster Carmine Lupertazzi for some fashion advice:

Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, the post title. I feel like we’re watching an old movie on the pre-TCM late, late show. Numbering movies wasn’t done during the golden age of Hollywood. Universal stuck a Son Of on more than one creature feature. This is the best example and the best movie as well:

The phantom monster show? That’s a perfect  fit. With Son Of Locker Room Talk: Trump’s Bravado Defense Defendant Trump is advancing a phantom legal defense. It’s not going to work and is apt to disappear if he listens to his lawyers:

A quick Rudy note before we go. The Puppetmaster urges caution over the whole proffer thing:

It could also be Rudy trying to shakedown the Kaiser of Chaos for the millions in legal fees he thinks he’s owed. Rudy’s legal advice was shitty but paying him off would be cheaper than watching him flip. Stay tuned.

One more thing: Donny and Rudy are pussies. They should grab themselves. Now, that’s bravado.

The last word goes to Rush:

One thought on “Son Of Locker Room Talk: Trump’s Bravado Defense

  1. “Did I say plans?” Yeah, those plans that General Milley gave you were plans for, uh, one of your golf courses! Yeah, that’s the ticket. The Joint Chiefs of Staff, as everyone knows, are tasked with coming up with big, beautiful designs for golf courses. And the plans have to be kinda, sorta classified so that we don’t experience a golf course gap vis-a-vis the Rooskis. But everyone in that room swore the most solemn pinky swear not to divulge the golf course building plans, so it’s all good. We done here? No? WITCH HUNT!

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