I nearly called this post Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas 2024, but it struck me as trite and derivative. I poured some vinegar on the title and came up with Vegas Vignettes.

Dr A and I are in Las Vegas for our nephew’s wedding. There wasn’t any fear or loathing at the wedding chapel but there were some old seats that looked like something out of a Fifties bordello, which gave me this earworm:

The seats looked nice but were on the springy side. No blood was drawn, just some minor discomfort for one’s tuchus. At least we didn’t have to “knock twice and rap with your cane” to enter. It’s a secular chapel, not a brothel. Do they serve broth at brothels? Discuss amongst yourselves.

We’re staying at Planet Hollywood with the rest of the wedding party. Like the rest of Vegas, it’s a clip joint. Our room has great bones, but the details are lacking: thin walls, leaky sink faucets, and other minor issues not worth mentioning. The service is genuinely terrible: catering to repeat customers is not their jam.

It’s the first time I’ve been to Las Vegas in forty years. A close family friend was the general manager of one of the old school hotel/casinos on The Strip, so my family got freebies from him. Who among us doesn’t like free stuff. It’s how I got to see this guy:

Planet Hollywood may not have left me heartbroken, but our room location is near the “adult pool,” which I have renamed the boom-boom pool because of the loud music played there. It’s tough on me because I’m still anemic and need to rest. I resorted to drowning it out by blasting the Paris Olympics thereby reducing the boom-boom volume to the sound of a bass mixed way too high. What would John Lee Hooker make of that?

I haven’t gotten around as much as I usually do on vacation. I’m not gambling on this trip because I’m not 100% mentally sharp and I only play Blackjack. Slot machines are for chumps who can stand the noise. Besides, if I want to get fleeced by a casino I can do it in New Orleans.

The culinary highlight of the trip was a meal at Gordon Ramsay Burgers. It’s fortuitously located in this fakakta hotel. We had an amazing meal and were fortuitously seated with a kitchen view. As a restaurant kid, I love watching a well-organized kitchen and the staff did Ramsay proud. One of the servers was a real beast. He was able to schlep all the plates for a 4-top without a tray.

The entertainment highlight of the trip was seeing Penn & Teller at the Rio Hotel. I’ve wanted to see the dynamic duo of magic forever and they didn’t disappoint.

Dr A didn’t know how funny Penn & Teller are, so she enjoyed the show more than expected.

The physical contrast between the very tall Penn and the very small Teller is a strong suit of the act. Penn is the Groucho of magic. Teller is the Harpo. Teller *does* speak during the show but only as two characters, never as himself.

Ordinarily, I’d love to be pulled out of the audience to go onstage: Shecky loves showing off. This time, I wasn’t feeling up to it so I was relieved not to be called on.

Grading Time: I give Penn & Teller 4 stars and an Adrastos Grade of A. Keep up the good work, you old reprobates.

We missed the Harris-Walz rally. It was at the same time as the wedding. Oh well, what the hell.

Finally, there *was* some fear and loathing on the trip. We met a couple of malakas on the hotel elevator. The dude looked like someone I know and dislike from New Orleans. His girlfriend did all the talking.

The dude elbowed me. It was an accident but after I called him on it, he continued to stand too close to me. I did not, however, call the Police until now:

He continued to stand too close to me; when I asked him to please slide over, his girlfriend started cussing me out. She was shocked that I called them out on their bad behavior.

Her not-so grand finale was to call me a cocksucker as we exited the elevator. I told her to go fuck herself. I should have ignored her, but I’ve never been called that before. I should have said this: Who are you? Deadwood’s Calamity Jane?

Repeat after me: If you go to Vegas, don’t stay at Planet Hollywood, but make it a point to see Penn & Teller. They not only rock, they rule.

The last word goes to Steely Dan with a song from 1973. Some things never change: they’re still holding Lost Wages in Las Vegas.