Malaka Of The Week: Paul LePage

LePage meme

I’ve come close to anointing Maine Governor Paul LePage malaka of the week quite a few times over the last 6 years. It’s certainly not because of a lack of malakatude. He’s been bringing the crazy to the American political scene since 2010. And that is why Paul LePage is malaka of the week.

First, I have to give credit where credit is due for the nickname, the Human Bowling Jacket. LePage’s fellow New Englander Charlie Pierce came up with it, and I’ve stolen it on several occasions. You threw a strike, sir.

Let’s move on to the Mainer Malaka’s latest verbal gutterball. It involves a phone message he left for a state legislator who criticized racially charged comments he made about auslander out-of-state criminals.

“Mr. Gattine, this is Gov. Paul Richard LePage,” a recording of the governor’s phone message says. “I would like to talk to you about your comments about my being a racist, you cocksucker. I want to talk to you. I want you to prove that I’m a racist. I’ve spent my life helping black people and you little son-of-a-bitch, socialist cocksucker. You … I need you to, just friggin. I want you to record this and make it public because I am after you. Thank you.”

The Portland Press-Herald deleted the Mainer Malaka’s expletives. I re-inserted them. They did, however, post a recording of his rant:

Don’t you love how he closes by saying thank you? I guess his mama raised him right except for the whole cursing and invective thing. #sarcasm. The content of the rant makes me wonder if he’s the love child of Phyllis Schafly and Al Swearingen, cocksucker was the Deadwood super-villain’s favorite insult as well:

LePage was an early Trump supporter but one has to wonder if he’s jealous that the Insult Comedian has cornered the market on political crazy. On June 29, 2015 TPM ran an article entitled 5 Times Paul LePage Truly Lived Up To The Title Of America’s Favorite Gov. This was the number-one pick and my personal favorite:

‘Giving it to the people without Vaseline’

During a heated budget battle in 2013, LePage said then-state Senate Majority Leader Troy Jackson (D) “claims to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline.”

The off-color remark has followed LePage ever since. Earlier this year, a former Democratic mayor and state legislator tossed a jar of Vaseline at the governor during a town hall meeting, bringing the event to a premature end.

It’s good that he upholds the dignity of his office even as others attempt to grease the skids for his departure.

LePage subsequently issued a non-apology apology for the “little son-of-a-bitch socialist cocksucker” remark:

“I would like to apologize to the people of the state of Maine for having heard the voicemail I left for Rep. [Drew] Gattine,” LePage said to reporters today. And despite being heard on the voicemail to Gattine saying, “I want you to record this and make it public,” the governor went on to tell reporters today: “It was intended for his ears and his ears only.”

LePage continues to maintain he has “binders full of pictures” of non-Mainer drug dealers:

“I don’t ask them to come to Maine to sell their poison but they come. And I will tell you, that 90-plus percent of those pictures in my book — and it’s a three-ring binder — are black and Hispanic people from Waterbury, Connecticut; the Bronx; and Brooklyn,” LePage said.

Binders full of drug dealers? Does that ring a bell with anyone?

Mittbot binders

Like Willard Mittbot Romney, Paul LePage is full of something else. He refuses to resign and the State Lege is, once again, threatening impeachment, but it’s unlikely to happen even after the Portland Press Herald apologized to America for their teabagger Governor:

Dear America: Maine here. Please forgive us – we made a terrible mistake. We managed to elect and re-elect a governor who is unfit for high office.

He has a gruff exterior and blunt way of talking that some of us find refreshing, but he has shown again and again that he governs by grudge, and uses his power to beat up on people who cannot fight back.

I guess that makes the Press Herald’s editorial board little socialist cocksuckers as well. In addition to his binder full of minority felons, the Mainer Malaka claims that he’s “helped black people all his life.” That’s the politician’s variation on the old bigot’s theme: some of my best friend are black. Of course, in the Mainer Malaka’s case they’re all named “D-Money, Smoothie, and Shifty.” And that is why the Human Bowling Jacket aka Paul LePage is malaka of the week.

I bet he hasn’t lost the Vagenda of Manocide guys. Here’s another of their greatest hits:

maine sign photo-5

3 thoughts on “Malaka Of The Week: Paul LePage

  1. Gov. LePage is a charming fellow, isn’t he? The contradiction between his taped statement that he wants his rudeness saved and publicized and then his public pronouncement that it was meant to be all private and just between the Governor and Rep. Gattine indicates some kind of mental malfunction. Every reporter who has a chance should ask Gov. LePage if he’s had a mental health evaluation within the last 30 days.

  2. Ah, well, yes, the Human Bowling Jacket has his head up his ass.

    But, that’s not the worst of it. He really, really likes the view.

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