Republicans Can’t Count

In my time as a Congressional aide, I learned a crucial lesson about how the House works: counting votes is not just important, it’s everything. That’s why the House GOP is presenting a shit show to the public: Republicans can’t count.

Normal political parties do not elect a speaker, then discard them nine months later.

Normal political parties usually promote their majority leader to speaker.

Normal political parties regard caucus votes as binding.

Normal political parties do not use threats to convince members to vote for a speaker candidate.

Normal political parties do not allow spoiled brats like Matt Gaetz to have any influence.

Normal political parties do not allow a member who is a thug and bully to be the face of that party.

Normal political parties prefer not to allow a scandal-ridden member to be the face of the party. The Ohio State wrestlers Gym Jordan betrayed are coming for him.

The MAGA GOP is not a normal political party.

Gym Jordan is so horrible that he makes Newt Gingrich look like a gentleman and Steve Scalise look like a moderate.

John Boehner was right when he called Gym Jordan “a legislative terrorist.” There’s poetic justice in the fact that Jordan is now receiving the same treatment that drove Boehner out of politics.

There’s some dispute as to when the House GOP became so dysfunctional. Some blame Trump, I blame the 2010 Tea Party wave election. That was when seniority and qualifications became dirty words. In the eyes of Republican extremists knowledge is suspect and ignorance is exalted.

I summed up my feelings about this imbroglio on the Tweeter tube before the first Jordan vote:

If anything, the events of this week reaffirm my belief that House GOPers are committing slow-motion political suicide. The crazies may love the spectacle but it’s proof that Republicans are unfit to control any branch of the government until the MAGA fever breaks.

The onus for this mishigas is on KMac. He empowered the Marge Greens and Chip Roys of his caucus instead of marginalizing them. The result was his ouster and this slow-motion meltdown on live television.

We all knew that Gym Jordan was unfit to be speaker because of his extreme views and shouty style. He’s also unfit because he can’t count votes. He lost support in the second round of voting and is likely to lose more if they call another vote.

House Republicans have violated the most important rule of legislative politics: Never put something up for a vote unless you have the votes. Nancy Pelosi and Tip O’Neill knew that. Gym Jordan does not. Why? Republicans Can’t Count.

This endless impasse has led some to think there’s the possibility of some form of coalition government. I’ll believe it when I see it. Hardcore MAGA maggots do not regard this spectacle as embarrassing: they hate government and have no respect for the institution in which they sit. They have the hammer, not the normies.

The normies handed over their party to the crazies in the 2010’s and gave the likes of Donald Trump and Gym Jordan the hammer. They’re as dumb as a proverbial bag of hammers, so it was predictable that they’d hit themselves in the head with the hammer. Holy blood count, Batman.

Repeat after me: Republicans Can’t Count.

The last word goes to Duke Ellington and his Orchestra: