I have a new motto when it comes to covering the egregious malakatude of Team MAGA: When in doubt, do a Top Ten list.
This is the first Stupid MAGA Tricks Top Ten list, but it won’t be the last. The subjects include five past malakas of the week. In their current jobs they’ve moved from malakatude to malevolence. It’s the Trumper way.
In 2016, the Insult Comedian promised to appoint the best people. He made no such promise in 2024. Oy, just oy.
The climax of each entry is an animated GIF highlighting the appointee’s hypocrisy and malakatude. There’s that word again.
I give you the Top Ten Stupid MAGA Tricks: Bad Appointees Edition.
NUMBER TEN: Doug Burgum, Interior Secretary. Failed presidential candidate. A plutocrat who insists on having warm cookies at his meetings. Plans to destroy the National Parks system because he can.
Included because of the cookies and this cool GIF:
NUMBER NINE: Matthew Whitaker, UN Ambassador. Former acting Attorney General best known for perspiring profusely.
NUMBER EIGHT: Peter Navarro, Trade Adviser. Former jailbird who never met a tariff he didn’t love. Our first past malaka of the week.
NUMBER SEVEN:Â Marco Rubio, Secretary of State. Former Senator and failed presidential candidate returns to his teabagger roots. Before becoming a sycophant, he called Trump a con artist. Rubio was right then, wrong now. Past malaka of the week.
Speaking of Rubio being right then, wrong now:
NUMBER SIX: Tulsi Gabbard, Director of National Intelligence. Horseshoe person and suspected Kremlin asset. Useless idiot or fellow traveler? Another past malaka of the week.
I told you she was a horseshoe person:
NUMBER FIVE: Pam Bondi, Attorney General. I call her one of the Killer Bees, others call her Gestapo Barbie. Both nicknames work.
She’s nostalgic for the Nixon DOJ:
NUMBER FOUR: Bobby Junior, Secretary of Health and Human Services. Former junkie and current anti-vaxxer who helped cause a measles epidemic in Texas. Two-time past malaka of the week in 2017 and 2021.
Bobby Senior weeps:
NUMBER THREE: Tom Homan, Border Czar. There’s no such job, so why not appoint a creep with a face like a clenched fist? He’s turning ICE into an American Gestapo.
If only he were taking to himself:
NUMBER TWO: Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense. Former talk show host with a drinking problem, dirty hands, and loose lips. Repeat after me: Loose lips sink ships. He’s never been malaka of the week but had his own Top Ten List last December.
Party on, Pete:
NUMBER ONE: Elon Musk, DOGE chancellor. There’s no such job so why not appoint a creep who used to be the richest man in the world before Trump tariffs tanked Tesla. Past malaka of the week as Chief Twit. I am not making this up.
This idiot dunce thinks he can dance. The Musky malakatude, it burns.
That klutzy victory dance reminds me of this:
Holy blurry GIF, Batman.
What’s an Adrastos listicle without some lagniappe? Here’s a group GIF that includes Kash Patel.
The Wizard of Odd is a worse appointee than numbers 9 or 10, but I haven’t beaten up on those bozos before. Like vampires, satirists need fresh blood.
Repeat after me: Mockery is the best medicine.
After all that tawdry tackiness, we need an injection of class. The last word goes to Fred Astaire:
It is very hard to do a top 10 of awful Trump officials so I commend you for the attempt. I was about to write that how could RFKjr not be number 1 until I saw 3-2-1 and, well, I can’t argue with the order. I do question the omission of Stephen Miller left, though? Finally, that image of Hegseth made me think that we have Archer as the Sec. of Defense.
The dancing Hitler gif may be one of the earliest (not quite) deepfakes. He didn’t actually do a little dance. He just stomped his foot once, but some British genius cut-n-spliced that single stomp to make it look like he was doing a little dance to celebrate some victory in France.